A Moment of Quiet
by Sesshochan1
Summary: A look into Snape's tormented past. Completed and edited. There's an alternate ending to this one, as well.  Please read and review! LE and SS. Rated for language and violence.
1. Fallen Embers

A Moment of Quiet

Note: The idea for this story came to me as I lay awake one night. I wrote it all down and then worked tirelessly for three days straight. Every chapter is completed, but I still need to edit them all. I hope you like my idea, even though I know it's highly improbable. I'll post a full disclaimer and song credits after it's all done with, but jsut to be safe I didn't write any of the lyrics I added to the story and I don't not own Harry Potter or any of it's characters in anyway... Enjoy, I guess...

Chapter One

_Once as my heart remembers_

_All the stars were Fallen Embers_

_Once when night seemed forever_

_I was with you_

He could see his own eyes reflected in the window pane. Outside the world was dismal and dark, dripping wet with the wretched and limitless rain. A stone and concrete labyrinth of dilapidated cottages twisted around his home. The alleys and narrow paths stretched out endlessly, but all he could see were his own eyes, two pits of anger, hatred and despair, staring back at him. Subconsciously, he let what he held in his hand flutter to the ground. He glanced down at the letter that had found it's resting place on the ground at his feet. The first few sentences stared up at him.

_You gave me a moment of quiet in my life of torment. Without you I would-_

The rest of the message was blocked by the envelope, but he knew exactly what it said. It was his own handwriting after all, and he could recall with painful vividness scribbling it down almost seven years ago. He glanced back up at his tired and haggard-looking reflection. The eyes that stared back were the same as they were back when the whole thing had started. Closing his eyes, the memories came flooding back too quickly to stop them…

Fourteen year old Severus Snape opened his eyes, gazing at his reflection in the window pane of the Hogwarts express. Another year at Hogwarts was soon to begin. Rain plummeted from the skies and crashed against the windows and roof of the scarlet steam engine which chugged on tirelessly towards it's destination. Every year this train took Severus from the home he detested so, to a school where everyone of the students anatagonized him. He could never really decide which place he despised more. Resting his forehead against the window pane, Snape looked down at the long scar that marred his forearm. The image of the gash that created it flashed in his mind. A sudden eruption of noise from the hallway made him jump as the door to his empty compartment swung open. He looked up in alert. Before he could escape, two beaming boys his age tumbled in and sat down, one beside him, the other across from him.

"Snivellus! Aren't you a little ray of sunshine today!" Said the boy next to him, clapping a hand on his shoulder. Snape immediately jerked free of his grasp with one violent motion, refusing to look at either of them.

"Now, Snivelly, is that any way to treat your old friends? We've missed you!" The boy across from him said derisively, sweeping his elegant black hair from his forehead.

"I don't think Snivelly's glad to see us, Sirius." The boy next to Severus said mockingly, wearing an over exaggerated frown.

"What say you to the idea of us giving young Snivellus a good reason to smile, James my friend?" Sirius grinned, giving James a meaningful look. James smiled back and pushed his glasses up. Biting his lip, Snape refused to look at either of them. His heart was pumping fast with rage.

"Get out, both of you…" Snape spat at them, still staring steadfast out the window. James Potter opened his mouth to speak again but something in the corridor caught his eye. He turned to look at the form of a young girl skirting through corridor, accompanied by a few of her friends.

"Sirius… It's Evans." James said to his friend. The both stood up and moved to exit the compartment. James turned back towards Severus. "Don't worry Snivelly, we'll give you a proper greeting later on!"

"You look incredibly greasy, by the way!" Sirius waved at him at him as he swept through the compartment door and slammed it behind him. Snape stared in the direction of the fleeting pair in disgust. He loathed James Potter and his faithful sidekick Sirius Black more than any others in the universe. Through the glass door of the compartment he observed a short, fat boy peering frantically into different compartments looking for James. Snape knew his name was Peter Pettigrew and found him completely revolting. Following Pettigrew's flabby form was a boy of medium height with pale brown hair called Remus Lupin. He had a few scars on his face and was generally a very quiet person. But he was also one of Potter's cronies, so Severus found it hard not to dislike him. A curiosity had been burning in Snape after he noticed that Remus had been mysteriously disappearing every so often. Longing to bust the wrongdoings of Potter's gang wide open, Snape was hungry for a chance to figure out what they were all up to, but could never seem to discover exactly what it could be.

Settling back down in his seat, Severus put a hand over his face. He was sure this year at Hogwarts was going to be like every other. Unending torture.

The first day of term had been painless so far. Every class was the same as usual and Snape greeted them with the same nonchalant attitude as always. He was never short of outstanding in his academic work so he found nothing to worry about. The students had left him alone for the most part of the day. It had seemed like today might be one of the rare occurrences that were sometimes known as 'good days'. Lost in his thoughts, Snape made his way through the corridors towards the Slytherin common room. Outside the castle walls pearly white clouds blanketed the sky, making the world outside strangely gloomy but bright. Snape looked up into the bizarre atmosphere and lost track of who was around him. When he happened to look in front of him he knew it was already too late. Chatting animatedly to a beautiful girl with thick red locks was James Potter. Black, Lupin and Pettigrew stood close nearby holding their own conversation. Sirius kept shooting looks over at James as if he were monitoring the conversation between James and the lovely Gryffindor girl. As soon as Snape spied them he immediately turned on heel and began walking in the opposite direction, hoping that none of them would notice. Looking around for an escape route he saw the Transfiguration classroom was in range. If he could make it inside there he could pretend to have left something behind and he would have the protection of the professor to thrwart Potter and Black's cruelty. Making a beeline towards the door, part of him was nagging to charge back and curse Potter into oblivion right in front of that red-headed beauty that James had dogged for so long. The very idea of seeing Potter squirm under his wand was enough to make Severus break into a thin lipped smile.

"OY!" Shouted an all too familiar voice. He could hear footsteps pounding in his direction from behind him. Instinctively Snape plunged his hand straight into his robes and extracted his wand. He spun fast and saw Black bounding towards him, wand drawn, Potter close at his heels. Snape blasted Black with an unspoken disarming spell before he could do any harm. A cruel delight coursed through Snape's veins as he watched Black's frustration as he searched the floor for his lost wand. James screeched to a stop beside his best friend and pointed his wand straight at Snape's chest.

"Naughty boy, Severus. We'll have to teach you a lesson." James said through bared teeth. Snape's lip curled. He refused to run from Potter.

"Take your arrogance away from me Potter, I think I'll be sick if you don't. I can't bear to be in the presence of you and your Neanderthal buddies for very long, you know." Snape spat back at Potter, fingering his wand dangerously.

"Don't insult my friends, you slimy little slug." Potter poked the tip of his wand painfully into Snape's chest. Snape refused to blink. In the moment of hatred Sirius grabbed both of Snape's arms and pulled them behind his back, immobilizing him. Sirius gave his arms a painful twist and Snape was forced to let his wand clatter to the floor. Snape shot a loathesome look at Potter.

"Still too cowardly to face me like a man, I see." Snape spoke, revulsion etched into every word that escaped his lips. Potter shook his head and turned back suddenly to see if his friends and the red-head were still watching.

A quick glance in their direction showed Snape that Lupin, Pettigrew and the stunningly beautiful were watching the scene with wide eyes. Seeing the red-head staring in his direction with a concerned gaze suddenly made Severus' stomach go over all funny. He was thrown off his guard for a moment and felt his cheeks grow warm. Potter looked back at him.

"What're you so flustered about, Snivelly?" Potter sounded frightfully angry all of a sudden. "Let's teach this slime a lesson, Sirius." Potter flicked his wand flamboyantly, looking triumphant. In the moment Sirius let go and sidestepped out of the way, Snape stumbled to find his wand.

"_Incendio_!" James roared. Flames shot from the tip of James' wand, causing Severus to recoil and loose his footing. The front on his robes caught fire and he desperately tried to extinguish them. He could feel the searing heat close to his chest.

"Let me help you, Snivelly!" Sirius barked, pointing his wand downward. "_Aguamenti_!" A jet of water shot from Black's wand and pummeled Snape back down to the ground. Spitting water and trying to move, Severus saw Black and Potter's face staring down at him.

"Snivellus, you look hurt. You'd better not move, chum. _Immobulus_…" Snape felt his body freeze up. Trying desperately to move, Potter and Black laughed down at him. "Bye bye, now!"

"See you later, Snivellus!" Black waved at him as the two ran off, cackling madly. Out of the corner of his eye he saw Lupin and Pettigrew's feet follow after them. Snape sat up very stiffly, the effects of the curse not yet fading completely. He sat slumped against the wall in the pale light of the window, defeated. Humiliation and rage overtook him. With effort he grasped his wand and undid the curse that held him. With the newfound silence, Snape realized that soft footsteps were suddenyly closing in on him. He looked up, expecting to see another spiteful, laughing face but was shockingly mistaken.

The impeccably lovely face of the Gryffindor red-head looked over at him. It was apparant she was genuinely concerned.. Snape unexpectedly choked when he saw her, his heart rate rising inexplicably high.

"Are you… all right?" Her voice was as kind as her face. Severus felt extremely uncomfortable all of a sudden. He scurried to his feet, still dripping with water. He made to pick up his bag as the pretty girl did simaltaneously. Their hands met for a moment. Severus wrenched his arm back as if he had been shocked with several volts electricity. Their eyes met for one infinitely long and awkward second. He could bear it no longer. He snatched his bag from the ground and bolted off as fast as his legs could carry him and didn't stop running until the door of the Slytherin common room was shut tightly behind him. Pressing his back to the heavy dugeon wall, he breathed deeply. An foreign feeling was suffocating him from inside his chest. Suddenly he was aware of the other Slytherins staring up at him, some smiling and pointing. With a fresh wave of burning humiliation he unstuck himself from the door and retreated up the stairs to the solitude of the dormitory.

Feeling livid, thoroughly embarrassed and generally miserable, Severus knew he was back at school at last.


	2. Sudden Silence

Note: Sorry about the number of errors... I can never seem to catch them all... This chapter didn't come out exactly how I wanted, but I still thought it ended up pretty cute... I had so much fun writing it ... So without furthur ado...

Chapter two

_Hands touch, eyes meet_

_Sudden Silence, sudden heat_

_Hearts leap in a giddy whirl_

_Don't dream too far_

_Don't loose sight of who you are_

_Don't remember that rush of joy_

The rest of term wore on with much of the same torment. The workload, boring classes and unfriendly students were the same as always. Like every year, Snape sat alone in the common room or the library studying for tests or doing his homework nearly every night. On weekends he read all day long about powerful spells and dark potions, longing to use each one on James Potter. Enthralled with powerful spells, Snape loved to study ways of controlling his enemies best of all. Everything was the same as always except one thing. One terrible, fearful feeling that had crept into Snape's thoughts. It was her. It was that unsettling thought of the Gryffindor girl that wouldn't let him rest. He saw her everywhere now. In the corridors he saw her laughing with her friends, studying quietly and demurely in the library, attending the lesson studiously in her classes. Even when she wasn't around, Snape could see her smiling countenance when he closed his eyes. He felt as if he'd caught some incurable illness that was slowly killing him, like dark flames were burning him steadily from within his chest. Whenever he saw her the cruel flames would grow stronger, making him ache with sickness. He detested this new affliction, and yet… it fascinated him. The more he tried to ignore it, the more powerful it became. He sat there in the joint Slytherin and Gryffindor classes, stealing glances at the back of her dark red plait, longing to know her name.

One day as Defense Against the Dark Arts was coming to a close the Professor, a short, bespectacled woman, handed back the midterm tests to the students.

"These tests had egregiously bad scores. I'm disappointed in every one of you… Except Mr. Snape that is. He managed to scrape one-hundred and ten percent, the only O in the class. I hope the rest of you idiots can maybe take a page out of his book and learn something for once!" She shouted, looking quite irritated. Snape wished she hadn't of said anything at all; Potter and Black would surely have a field day. Concentrating on the test paper in front of him, Snape remained silent. Once the Professor began lecturing the students on another topic, Snape looked back up. Once again he felt the uncomfortable sense of vertigo overcome him. The red-head was looking back at him. She was smiling. Feeling sick, Snape's eyes snapped back down at his paper, his curtains of hair shielding his burning face. He forced himself not to look up for the remaining thirty minutes of the class period. Once the bell's emancipating clang announced the end of class, Snape shot out of the classroom before Potter and Black could notice he was gone. Speeding down the hallway towards his next class, Snape heard his name being called from behind him. He didn't dare stop, but chanced a glance over his shoulder. When he saw who it was he tripped clumsily over his own feet. The red-head was trotting in his direction, her shining hair flowing behind her as she ran. Throat seizing up, Severus had no choice but to stand paralyzed as she reached him.

"Hi!" She said, slightly out of breath. Two pink patches played across her cheeks. Snape couldn't move.

"Oh…" He coughed. "Hello…" His eyes shifted nervously.

"That's amazing how you got that grade on the test! I could barely get a B!" She smiled at him. Snape studied her tone. It wasn't mocking or unkind. Feeling very awkward and odd-footed he replied to her.

"Um… Thanks, I guess…" He couldn't think of anything else to say, he could barely hear over the pounding blood in his ears.

"Maybe you could teach me sometime, huh? I think I'd need the help… I'm Lily by the way, Lily Evans." Snape tried to smile back at her, but knew that he must look very pathetic and unattractive. He managed a nod. She looked at him a moment longer, then her eyes unexpectedly darted down to his forearm where the long, jagged scar was. Lily put her fingers to her lips.

"Oh my gosh. Did James do that to you?"

Snape hide his arm behind him and shook his head. "Potter wouldn't have the guts."

"I'm sorry he treats you that way, Severus. It's really-"

"I'm used to it after four years. I don't need anyone's pity…" As soon as he spoke he wanted to crawl to somewhere dark and die. Lily stared at his with he sparkling eyes. They were so clear and beautiful. "Er, I mean… Well… I didn't mean to…" Severus felt idiotic. His usually pale face had become quite red. "Aggh, I'm… Sorry…" He turned on his heel, robes billowing around his ankles and sped off towards Potions with the Ravenclaws.

Snape sat through the entire period not hearing a word Professor Slughorn said. In his mind her name repeated over and over again.

_I'm Lily by the way, Lily Evans._

Her eyes were so beautiful… He could see her face swimming before him. Feeling guiltily pleased, he found it hard to concentrate on anything but her clear voice and emerald green eyes.

_I don't need anyone's pity…_

His own voice echoed in his head. Severus was muddled with a mixing feeling of embarrassment and slightly shameful joy. What was this annoying feeling? Why wouldn't it just leave him alone?

The flames burned in his chest all day long, pestering him constantly. He sat enveloped in thought into the evening where he sat staring into the crackling fireplace. Did he…possibly…like her?

The very thought was ridiculous to him. A Slytherin… like a Gryffindor? Preposterous.

Even more so, the most unattractive and undesirable boy in all of Hogwarts fancy a stunning and vivacious beauty like Lily Evans? It was laughable. It was almost depraved. _She probably hates me… she just pities me because I have no friends…_

Even the thought of her pure kindness towards the outcasts of the school was enough to make an uncontrolled wave of affection rise towards her. Snape felt confused and licentious. He wished whatever enchantment started the wicked fire within him had never visited him.

_Look at it clearly… Even if you _did_ like her, which you don't… Nothing could ever come of it, understand? You're not the type of person that gets caught up in things like this… You're Snivellus, the dark and angry loser who obsessivly studies dark magic. If you hope for something you can never get, you'll only get hurt. Just calm down and-_

He felt a tap on his shoulder. With an unexpected hope that Lily would be there, he turned around speedily. When he saw it was a Slytherin girl called Cleo Mulligan he felt even angrier and more ashamed of his feelings.

"Hey Snape. What're you doing out here?" She spoke without feeling. She was referring to the fact that Snape usually remained holed up in the dormitory, reading. She had short, sleek, jet-black hair that hung around her chin. Her eyes were dark and deep and contrasted with her stark white face.

"Just thinking. What do you want?" He asked her, showing as little emotion as she did. She smiled, her red lips curling gently.

"I heard how well you did today… You know a lot of the Dark Arts don't you?" She asked. Snape knew she already knew the answer.

"Yeah, I know a bit, I suppose." He mumbled blandly.

"I admire a man who seeks power like that. Maybe you could come hang out with me and my friends sometime." She gestured towards the other end of the common room where a ring of older Slytherins sat in a ring. Snape knew these people weren't a wholesome bunch, but held a lot of power over others in the school. There was no doubt they were all heavily involved in the Dark Arts. The prospect of joining a group that could help Severus exact his revenge on James and offer him protection was quite tempting. He smiled at Cleo.

"You know…" He began to accept her invitation, but something suddenly stopped him. What would Lily think of that? She wouldn't admire someone who was in that sort of group. He faltered for a moment, then looked back into Cleo's black eyes. "Maybe sometime…" He said almost dispiritedly.

"Well, anytime you feel like it we'll be okay with it…" She gave him a careless wave then moved to join the ring.

Snape went to bed that night feeling just as confused as ever. It was a long while before he drifted off to sleep.

The city of Hogsmeade was brimming with energy. It was the second visit of the year, scheduled right at the end of the term. There were Christmas displays and all of the Shops were bustling with Hogwarts students buying holiday gifts. Snape stood in the snow, alone, wondering why he'd even come. He plodded around the village from sometime in the snow, feeling cold and unhappy. He hated the end of term always because it meant he'd be home very soon. As he walked up the path leading away from the center of the village, he though that how every year as soon as he'd gotten used to his miserable life at Hogwarts, he always had to be swept back away to the misery of his home. Walking slowly up the path and watching his breath turn white on the air, he climbed the steep slope lined with trees. Away from all the laughing and loudness of the village it was much more peaceful and enjoyable. Taking the winding trail up more and more, he emerged onto a sort of snow covered plateau. A chain link fence was there to greet him with a jagged opening cut in the center of it. At the end of the long winding path that meandered through a white plain littered with various piece of junk stood a dilapidated mansion. Severus stared at it, wondering how long it had been there, rotting. The broken shingles were piled high with snow and the windows were boarded up. In the front yard was a dead tree in which several skeletal crows were roosting.

"Scary, huh?" Said a voice by his shoulder. Snape was surprised to see Lily standing beside him once again. _Why are you following me? _He thought, feeling a mixture of anger and excited joy. He turned back to the sight of the decaying mansion.

"More like unsightly…" He said dryly. Lily giggled and Snape's heart leapt, though his face didn't show it.

"Don't you know what that place is? It's the Shrieking Shack! They say it was built on a cursed burial ground by a super rich ministry worker. The story goes that when the family moved in, the father went crazy and tortured them all to death. The townspeople say you can still hear their ghosts screaming in agony every so often." Lily spoke with exhilaration and delight. Snape raised an eyebrow.

"I don't believe it." He said shortly. Strangely, his pounding heart calmed slightly, but the flames in his heart burned brighter than ever.

"You don't, do you?" Lily looked over at him grinning, one hand on her hip. "I dare you to go inside then." She said playfully. Snape looked over at her.

"Why would I do that?" He asked simply. Lily shook her head and laughed.

"You are scared, huh?" She teased in a playful way. Snape gave her an aloof glance.

"I am not. I'll go if you really want me to…" He said, glancing sideway at the creaking house.

"All right then, let's go!" She started off on the path. Snape stood still for a moment, then caught up to her. She looked quite content, the cold air creating two rose colored patches on her cheeks. Her green eyes looked out towards the horizon.

"You're going to come with me?" He asked, confused. The vertigo was beginning to clear from his head.

"Of course, I have to make sure you won't just run away." Snape couldn't find anything to say to this. He looked down at his feet as they moved ever closer to the house. Passing torn chairs and broken pieces of furniture in the yard, the atmosphere of the Shrieking Shack was definitely not the sort that made someone feel welcome. Severus looked over at Lily and noticed something around her neck.

"That's a nice necklace." He said averting his eyes. He hoped if he gave her a compliment it might make up for his rudeness before.

"Oh this?" Lily touched the silver pendant around her neck. It had a shining ring of silver set with a pale blue stone. "My mother gave me this necklace when I was born. I haven't taken it off since I was three." She smiled, looking at the stone with sentiment in her stare. Snape smiled back feebly.

"Your family must be pretty well off if they can afford things like that. What's your mother's profession?" He asked. Lily stopped for a second and laughed a tad nervously.

"Erm, she's a… doctor actually." She spoke demurely, not catching Snape's eye. He looked over at her fixatedly.

"You're half-blood?" He was amazed that someone of her magical talent wasn't pureblood. She looked less enigmatic than usual.

"Muggle-Born, actually." She admitted, shrugging. Snape at once felt a rush of understanding and admiration. For so long he'd hid the fact that he himself was half-blood and for her to come out and admit her heritage without worry was extremely brave. He smiled genuinely for the first time in many years. Lily seemed to notice and she returned the smile.

"That's…" He voice seemed to be caught. He cleared his throat slightly, looking forward towards the destination he was growing closer to. "That's brave of you to say. Some people care a lot about that heritage stuff…" He hoped that he'd shown her that he didn't mind if she was Muggle-Born. She replied almost at once.

"Oh God, yes. I'm always so worried about who thinks I'm inferior to them. I really want to prove myself worthy, you know?" She seemed to be confiding in him. Another wave of happiness washed over him.

"You don't need to prove yourself at all. You're already one of the most talented witches in Gryffindor." Why Severus found it so easy to be nice to Lily he couldn't figure out; it seemed to come naturally.

"Thanks for saying so." She stopped suddenly. "Oh, look. We're here." Snape looked forward and saw they stood in the doorway of the Shrieking Shack. Although he was frightened at all, he had to admit to himself it was a pretty creepy place. He put his hand on the door and pushed it open. "Wow… You're actually going to do it, huh?" Snape stepped inside, looking around. It was dusty and reeked of mildew.

"It's really nothing to be afraid of." Snape said, shrugging. Lily took a few careful steps inside, looking around warily with a smile on her face.

"Let's look around, come on…" She moved towards the stairwell and put a foot onto one creaking step. Severus followed her, dust rising from his footsteps as he moved across the floor. Jagged claw marks were torn into the wall paper and at the top of the stairs a dark stain greeted them. They both looked at each other, then slowly moved on towards the gaping hallway. As they passed into the dark arching hall, Lily gave a nervous laugh. She didn't look nearly as confident as before and fell into step behind Severus. Halfway into the hall Snape froze and extended his arm, signaling her not to go any further.

"Stop. Listen."

Voices echoed from the room at the end of the hall. The muffled sounds of laughter and footsteps were quite audible. Lily shot an alarmed look at Severus.

"Let's get out of here." She whispered urgently, tugging at Snape's sleeve.

"Wait a second. I know that voice." He hissed back. Listening closer he could make out the words.

"Try again, Sirius! You almost had it that time."

"I'm dead tired mate, let's go back."

"One more go, come on!"

Snape narrowed his eyes as a triumphant feeling rose in his chest. So Potter and his little minions _were_ up to something and they were using this old mansion as a secret base. Snape smiled, thinking the day couldn't possibly get any better.

"I _knew_ they were up to something!" He said a little too loudly. Then silence resounded. Lily backed up behind him.

"Who's there?" James' voice called from behind the door. Snape stood still. He wanted to escape, but the prospect of catching James doing something illegal was much too tempting.

"Severus, let's go!" Lily, grabbed his arm and tugged. The door swung open violently and a red stunning curse shot out and knocked Snape and Lily over. Lily screamed a little and her hand flew to her neck. Snape opened his eyes and saw he was lying on top of her. A little trickle of blood was smeared across her soft, white neck.

"WHAT THE HELL!?" Roared James' voice. Snape tried to move his bruised legs and get off of Lily before anything could happen but James got there first. He ripped Snape off of her and tossed him aside.

"Evans! What's he done to you? Are you safe? Are you still-" James tried to pick her up.

"Get off of me!" She slapped James' hand away. "Don't be so rude, James. If it wasn't for your bonehead curse, none of this would have happened!" Lily winced in pain. She'd cut her neck when she fell.

"Lily, I'm sorry about tha-" Snape started to apologize for her cut and for falling on her.

"Hey, what makes you think you're allowed to speak to Evans, grease ball?" James rounded on Severus. Snape sneered at him. Peter Pettigrew and Sirius came out of the room at the end to see all the commotion.

"I wouldn't talk like that, Potter, me knowing about your felonious plans in your secret clubhouse. I don't think the headmaster would take to kindly to that." Snape flaunted the point, smiling. He took supreme delight in seeing the panic-stricken look on James' usually smug face. Lily stepped between them.

"Look, you two… Stop fighting, we're going to be late getting back and this is just stupid…" She pleaded. James' expression darkened.

"Sorry, Evans, I gotta teach this worm to keep his goddamn mouth shut and to never touch you again." James walked to Severus, looking him dead in the eyes. Without warning he gave him a quick punch in the stomach, then backed away, letting Severus fall to the floor, gasping for breath. Snape looked up at him with the utmost loathing, grasping his stomach.

"James! How could you?" Lily pushed James aside and helped Severus to his feet. Her sudden touch made Snape feel sick with nerves all of a sudden. The vertigo had returned and it was worse than ever.

"Evans, what are you doing?" James asked, regaining that frenzied look of rage Snape saw in him before. She stood back from them both and looked quite displeased.

"I can't believe you two! Going at it like little children! I'm leaving." She turned on heel and stormed out of the door. Snape and James watched her go, then turned and glared at one another, mutual hatred streaming from the both of them. Sirius and Peter still stared from the doorway.

"You can leave now, but not because I feel like it. It's because she told me to." James said through gritted teeth. Snape made to move but James grabbed his shoulder. "And Snape, if you ever touch her again I'll grind you to a pulp…" Anger boiling within every inch of him, Snape turned to leave. He was about to descend the stairs when a sparkle in the dust and gloom caught his eye. It was Lily's necklace, lying forgotten on the ground. His first reaction was to pick it up, but he knew Potter wouldn't let him walk away with it. Pretending he was simply brushing the dust off of his robes, Snape continued down the stairs silently and left through the door, purposely leaving it open. He darted to the side, and crouched behind the tall dead bush that sat dying beside the front door. He saw Lily going back up the path alone and felt a twinge of sorrow. Everything had been going so well. If only Potter hadn't shown up…

He closed his eyes and listened to the muffled voices within the creaking wood building. Potter's arrogant tones resounded in the house for what seemed like an hour more. The sun was setting behind the cobbled rooftops of Hogsmeade. Snape knew he'd be in a lot of trouble for coming back late, but he didn't want to let Lily's precious necklace be consumed by the darkness and dust of the Shrieking Shack. Finally, when the low rumbling of voices disappeared, Snape chanced a look inside the house. It was even darker than before, but there was no sign of Potter or his faithful fellowship. Walking inside the Shack alone and at night was much more unnerving, Snape had to admit. Climbing the stairs as carefully as he could, he reached the top almost silently. Looking out for anyone, Snape searched the floor for several minutes before he found the necklace. It was hooked around a bent nail that had several drops of blood on it. Snape picked up the delicate chain and saw it was broken.

"_Reparo_…" He whispered, mending the broken chain with his wand. He smiled somewhat serenely. With a sudden shock the ceiling above him groaned with what might have been footsteps. Lily's voice replayed in his head.

_…the father went crazy and tortured them all to death…_

…_you can still hear their ghosts screaming in agony…._

Severus looked around, trying to control his heartbeat. He sped down the stairs and out the door. He didn't stop running until he cleared the twisted chain link fence, where he collapsed, supine, in the snow. He panted, the frosty air stinging his lungs. Inky black and dull red were staining the sky above him. Stars twinkled like tired lamps in the winter sky. Snape dangled the silver chain above him. He stared at the twisting and dancing pendant then, closed his eyes and let his arm fall to the side, losing consciousness completely.

He awoke in the pitch black hospital wing hours later. He sat up in bed and rubbed his temples with his hands. Suddenly he realized the necklace was no longer secured in his palm and looked about frantically. Plunging his hands into his robes he felt the delicate chain and smooth stone in his pocket. He looked outside the window. Snow fell steadily, a soft purplish light shining through the clouded panes. His body felt weak and sick, but in his chest the fire that had been ignited some months ago burned strong. He had won over Potter in the end and he was one step closer to expelling the entire group for good. He fell asleep with a crooked smile on his pale lips.

Lily stood outside the Hogwarts express, distraught. She hadn't seen Severus or James at dinner last night. What's more she heard from Slughorn that Snape had been found lying in the snow outside the Shrieking Shack, unconscious. She couldn't feel at ease knowing that one or more of her friends could be hurt. The scarlet steam engine gave a shrill whistle, signaling the students to board. Sighing, Lily picked up her bags and moved towards the train. Just as she was about to step on, she felt a light tap on her shoulder. She turned to see Snape, looking pale and dismally weak. In his hand he dangled her silver necklace. Lily gasped, and put a hand to her neck and felt with horror that it really wasn't there.

"Severus… you… how did my…are you all right?" She sputtered.

"You lost it at the Shrieking Shack when you fell…" He said, trying to sound detached and sour. She stared at him dumbfounded. He knew that she

somehow understood what he'd done for her. His cheeks burned again and he shook it a bit. "Just… take it already…" He mumbled, looking at the ground. Her expression changed from surprised to affectionate. She was so beautiful and the tender glance from her stunning eyes was shockingly lovely. Snape felt his heartbeat rise painfully high. He tried to hide his blushing face by shielding it with his dark hair. For some reason Lily just wouldn't move. With a sigh of frustration, Severus grasped her hand roughly and shoved the necklace in her palm. Flustered, he pushed past her and boarded the train, not stopping to look back even for one second.


	3. Heaven Sends

Note: I'd like to thank everyone for the helpful reviews... I realize I did make quite a few mistakes and after I get all the chapters edited and posted I'll go back and fix them XP. Sorry for anymore glaring mistakes. This is where the angst starts to come in. Brace yourself, folks.

Chapter Three

_She's got her halo and wings_

_Hidden under his eyes_

_But she's an angel for sure_

_But it's too late for his love_

_already caught in a trap_

_Because heaven sends and heaven takes_

_crashing cars in his brain_

_keeps him tied up to a dream_

_and only she can set him free _

_then he says to me_

_kill me now_

Snape lay on his bed, staring at the ceiling. Some insects seeking refuge from the cold indoors had gathered around the corners and Severus was methodically exterminating them with jolts of energy from his wand. He watched lazily as their ruined bodies plummeted from the air and onto the floor. After three weeks of being cooped up with his father in a tiny house in the middle of Muggle Hell, he felt he wanted to destroy various things and creatures. Outside it was snowing heavily, which added to the trapped feeling he was now enduring. Of all the school holidays at home this was the definite worse. His useless, Muggle father stayed in the house all day slowly getting drunker until by night he was weeping and yowling to himself in the kitchen. His wailing kept Severus up all night which proved to be depressing and extremely irritating all at once. When exhaustion and boredom finally overtook Severus, it was generally not a long or peaceful rest. More than often, Tobias Snape would explode into Severus' dark and sparse room in the early hours of the morning, screaming at the tops of his lungs. Once he was sure his son was good and awake, he would complain to Severus and criticize him. His rants would go on generally till dawn while his son would sit achingly tired and unhappy as he endured the insults. He made sure to look attentive at all times during these wild ravings because if he chose not to, Tobias would almost always lash out violently. When his father finally fell asleep on the floor of his room, Severus would drag his unconscious body out and lock himself in his room. This life was, in a word, hell.

It was morning now, but sunlight hadn't crept over the land. The dark clouds which sprinkled snow down onto the world didn't seem to want to relent at all. Severus was letting his mind run blank as he stared up at the ceiling in total ennui.

"SEVERUS!" Boomed his father's voice from outside the dark room. Severus got up slowly, unlocked the door and poked his head out.

"What do you want?" Severus hissed from the darkness, getting ready to fight back if necessary.

His father's hunched and unclean form stumbled into the hallway. He looked extremely ill. Dark circles like bruises rung his eyes which were stationed looking bloodshot above his crooked nose. The stained shirt he wore hadn't been changed for several days. Drowsy and nauseated as he appeared, he was still able to contort his expression into one of rage.

"Some bloody bird keeps trying to break it's way into the house. Make it go the fuck away, boy." He commanded, leaning on the wall for support. Severus swept into the hall, dressed in his usual black. His hair swung at the side of his face as he wondered who'd sent him an owl. Stepping into the gloomy kitchen he saw a smallish barn owl tapping at the window with it's claw. It stared up at Severus with is eyes like shining black stones. In its beak was an envelope. Even from here Severus could see the name written on the front.

_Lily Evans_ was penned in neat smooth lettering. A jolt of electricity seemed to awaken Severus as he rushed to the window and let the owl inside. Once he grabbed the letter from its beak, the barn owl spread its white and tawny wings and set back off into the snowstorm. Severus closed the window behind the barn owl and peered down at the envelope, hardly believing his eyes.

"Is that a letter?" Tobias slurred words came from behind him. Severus could smell the stench of alcohol on his breath.

"No, it's some sort of strange device that mankind has yet to recognize." Severus said silkily, moving past his father and back towards his room. He felt he wrist become engulfed in a painfully hard grip. He was tugged back to see his father looking furious.

"Don't get smart with me boy. If I brought you into this world then I can certainly take you back out." He growled, staring at him dangerously. _Like you'd have the guts_.

"Yes, sir. I'm sorry I was so impolite." He spoke rebelliously. His father gave his an angry nod and released Severus' wrist, then looked back down at the letter clutched in Snape's hand. Before he had time to move, his father snatched the envelope away from his son. Severus suppressed a cry as he watched his father study it.

"Lily Evans?" He read slowly. Even her beautiful named sounded sour on his lips. He was not worthy to speak it. "Lily? A girl?" He looked up at his son and smiled. "Don't tell me a girl is writing to you!" He broke into a short fit of wheezing laughter. Severus' stare was fixed the letter he so desperately wanted. Beautiful Lily Evans was actually writing to him. Maybe a word of kindness which Severus so desperately sought was encased inside that thin sheath of paper. His father tore open the top of the envelope and pulled a piece of paper out. He unfolded it and began to read. After a few painfully long minutes in which Snape was sure his heart would burst, Tobias looked up.

"Who is this girl, anyway?" His eyes were squinted and Severus couldn't remember him ever looking so ugly. He did his best to calm his nerves and give a very convincing shrug.

"Someone from school." He said casually. Though his voice was calm his mind was spinning with dread. His father bared his uneven and yellowed teeth in a twisted smile.

"Is she pretty?"

Severus merely sneered back.

"You like her, don't you, you little pervert. You want to give her the time, don't you?" He wheezed with more laughter. Severus hated him more strongly than ever. He wanted nothing more than to rush forward and tear Tobias' bloodshot eyes out with his bare hands. "Now I know what you've been doing in there all alone!" He bellowed with laughter, his rotten teeth fully bared as he mocked his son. Severus bit his bottom lip fiercely, shaking with rage. He was utterly disgusted at the sight of his father. His father plopped down in a chair, still shivering with laughter and clutching his side. "Don't get so worked up, you queer." He was wiping tears of joy from his eyes. "Never worry yourself over a bitch."

"Don't talk about her that way!" Severus screamed at his father before he could stop himself. He snarled back at his father, not daring to blink. Tobias' revolting smile knotted into a sneer.

"What, do you care about this bitch?" Severus didn't reply, he just stared at Tobias with unrelenting ire. "Listen to me, boy." He got up and clapped a hand onto Severus' shoulder. "If there's one mistake you don't want to make in this world, it's caring about some filthy cow. You'll just get hurt, you know?" Severus flinched slightly. His father breathed more contemptuous laughter. "Oh, no… Did you actually think…? Did you _actually_ think a woman would want to be with _you_? You're shitting me! A _fuck_ ugly thing like you? Not to mention you're a complete loser! That little whore wouldn't love to save her life!" He exploded with laughter and threw Severus to the floor. He tossed the letter at Severus' chest and thumped away, laughing maniacally. Severus looked down at the letter and picked if off the ground, feeling utmost despair. He retreated back into his room and shut the door. Unfolding the letter he read the first few lines.

_Dear Severus,_

_Happy Christmas!_

_How is your holiday going? I've been having a wonderful_

_time. I really wanted to thank you for going back and finding_

_my necklace. I wanted -_

Snape let the letter fall from his gaze. He stood miserably with his back to the door, knowing his father was right. He tore Lily's letter into pieces and threw them into the garbage bin. Feeling dejected he let himself fall face first onto his bed. He felt disgracefully foolish and full of anguish. _You're not even good enough to know Lily. How dare you feel this way towards her…?_ He rolled over, honestly considering killing his father. He wondered vaguely what the wizard prison Azkaban was like as he whispered the words "_Avada Kedavra",_ waving his wandless hand in the air. What he saw was the long and jagged scar on his arm. He remembered the blood flowing down, the shards of broken glass lodged into his skin. Soaked in contempt, Severus fell asleep after several wretched hours, wishing strongly that he'd never been born.

Exiting the train and staring out at the turrets and towers of Hogwarts had never been so promising. After the most dreadful holiday imaginable, Severus knew even being ridiculed by Potter was better than one more day stuck in his dark room plotting how to kill his father. The crisp January sunlight coupled with the brisk air was enough to put good spirits in anyone.

After the welcoming feast, Snape was hoping to escape to the confines of the Slytherin common room before he could see Lily, but he was none to lucky. As he was making his way through the entrance hall and towards the dungeons he saw her standing at the top of the stairs chatting with her girl friends. At once she stopped and looked down at him. He froze as well. Her face looked indescribably lovely but moderatly sad. With a sinking feeling Severus broke their gaze and resumed his trek to the dungeons. Making his way along with some of the other Slytherins, Cleo Mulligan unexpectedly fell into stride beside him. She was wearing a mink fur round her neck and looked pale and beautiful in the dull candle light of the dungeon corridors.

"Hello Severus. Good holiday?" She asked with a halfhearted smile. As they stepped lightly through the dimly lit, labyrinthine passages.

"All right, I suppose." He answered her, not really caring what she thought. They reached a blank stretch of wall.

"You look rather depressed. Is it because of that Potter? _Iron Maiden_." She said and the stone wall gave way to the Slytherin common room. All around Slytherins were chatting with their friends about the things they'd done on holiday. The two stepped through into the chatter.

"I hate James Potter." Snape said blandly. "I want to end him." Cleo smiled with a cunning sort of understanding.

"So do the rest of us. We hate all the Gryffindors that think they run this school." She led Snape to a group of her friends.

"Avery… Nott… Malfoy… Bella and Cissy…" She introduced her friends. "You know Severus, right?" She gestured towards Severus' apathetic form.

"Pleasure." He said, his lip curling slightly. His eyes swept over the sallow faced Avery to the untamed, angry eyes of Nott. Two ravishing, pale beauties sat side by side next to the proud man named Malfoy.

"Correct me if I'm wrong, but I do believe you are of _noble _blood, Snape?" Malfoy asked him smoothly with an unreadable smile playing across his face. Snape nodded without the slightest hesitation. The whole group grinned in accordance.

"These Muggle-lovers are really getting out of hand, don't you think?" Avery asked, looking around at the group, his eyes stopping on Severus. They all made noises of agreement though Snape's was slightly delayed.

"Well, come and sit down, then…" The girl Cleo called Cissy purred. She had white-blonde hair that was outright radiant. Snape faltered a moment, then joined the ring of Slytherins, feeling, for once in his life, accepted.

The next few days wore on slowly. Snape found himself spending more and more time with the group of Slytherins and Cleo. What Snape found slighty odd was the fact that they never acted friendly towards one another, but rather enjoyed the safety of being with others who nurtured the same hatred and prejudices. When Snape was with those dark Slytherins, not even the arrogant James Potter came around to bother him. The cold winter evenings of sitting in the dark common room and listening to the intricate plans of the Lestrange's ideas to remove all the half-bloods and muggle-borns from the school were the norm.

If by chance Snape would happen to cross Lily's path in the corridors moving from class to class he quickly looked aside. The urge to run up to her and apologize again and again for not replying to her letter was intense, however. He outright ached to speak to her again, but it was more than his new Slytherin group that stopped him.

He had come to the full realization of the situation now. Lily was an extremely kind girl. Too kind for Snape's good. He mistook her pity for affection and let his dreams fly much too far. The fact that she could never, ever return his feelings was a pain that had suffocated the flames in his heart ever since his father had put it there. What he knew was if he went near Lily, if he looked into her face for more than a second in passing, the dam of longing inside of him would burst and he'd be forced to craft his own destruction.

All the same it was extremely painful to see her trying to catch his eye and looking hurt when he refused to return her gaze.

As winter's frost finally let up and the grass poked back out from under the blankets of snow the workload from the teachers became hard for even Snape to bear. Long hours were spent alone once again, studying and completing papers for Potions, Transfiguration and History of Magic. It was irritating concentrating on the increasing work load when the fine weather was just starting to warm the grounds. Snape took to doing most of his homework by the lakeside. One evening while he was trying his hardest to complete an essay on the ways of recognizing Kelpies for Defense Against the Dark Arts, a familiar and soothing scent floated into the air. He looked up and out over the lake's smooth surface, feeling like he'd come up from underwater. Something tapped the top of his head. He jumped and craned his neck backwards. Much to his dismay and fear he saw Lily smiling and waving. He was plunged into his usual nervous state as soon as he saw those emerald green eyes.

"Lily…" He said, throat dry. She waved at him and found a seat next to him in the grass.

"You come here a lot nowadays, huh?" She gazed out over the reflective surface, watching the rosy sun disappear into the gently rippling waters. "When you're not with…"

"My new friends…" Snape finished for her. She looked into his face earnestly. He saw disquiet swimming in her eyes. He wanted more than anything to put a reassuring arm around her and destroy whatever made her sad, but he simply stared in her direction, his own sorrow written all over his face.

"You don't look…" She began. He awaited her response with bated breath. "Very happy to me…" Snape scoffed a bit.

"I've never been happy..." He murmured dryly. She gave him a scolding look. He returned it with one of indignance. "What?" She sighed disapprovingly.

"Severus...why are you spending time with those people? They're cruel and prejudiced. I thought you weren't like that." She gave him a look that sent pain through his entire body. She wasn't angry or scolding in her tone, but painfully disheartened.

"Lily, don't look at me like that…please…" Snape whined, sounding pathetic even to himself. "I only hang around them so James won't bother me." He admitted, knowing it was only half true. She was silent for a moment. "Lily… Let me apologize…" She looked up. Her eyes were moistened. Seeing her like that sent a fresh, raw wave of pain down his throat and into his heart. "Hey! Don't start crying!" He was a bit worried that James or some nosy Slytherin was watching this, but he was mostly feeling sick to his stomach at Lily's tears.

"You hate everyone, don't you Severus?" She wimpered.

"Of course I do." Snape started, "The world is filled with loathsome excuses for-"

"Well, what about me? Do you hate me too?" She asked hotly, a tear rolling down her cheek. He was completely shocked. So that was what this was all about? Out of anything he had not expected this reaction.

"Ehhh-What!?" He exclaimed, utterly confused. "No, of course I don't! Why would I hate you? You're kind and thoughtful and the most beautiful girl I've ever see-" The word poured out before he even knew what he was saying. Horror-stricken, he looked away from her. He felt completely mortified and furious with himself. _In the heat of the moment you totally lose your head and make a right fool out of yourself. Nice one…_

Lily was silent next to him. She was probably struggling to keep from laughing or looking at him with confused revulsion. He had the huge urge to get up and drown himself in the lake.

"Severus…" The moment she spoke Snape's heart leapt and his head went light. What was her tone? Flattered?

Severus slowing turned his head back, not daring to believe the gentle look on Lily's face. She smiled at him warmly and put a hand on his shoulder. He shivered from her kind touch. He felt obligated to speak.

"Look, about…your letter…" He was totally flustered, he couldn't think straight. "I wanted to read it, but my father… he… erm… he took it and threw it out…" She looked confused for a moment, then shook her head and smiled with her eyes shut

"I don't care about that…" She began softly, "Listen… I know you're a good person. Those…. people… don't have a shred of kindness in them at all. I don't want you to turn into one of them. I know you don't believe it, but it could happen. I don't want my friend to turn to the wrong sorts of things jsut because of some idiot like James. You know he's just jealous of your talent... If you just tried talking to-"

Snape rounded on her.

"Lily… I promise you… I won't follow that crowd any longer…" She smiled a bit. "But I will never be friends with James Potter." He spoke with finality. She shrugged.

"I guess that's up to you… But, thank you. I appreciate that…" She slid her hand down and gave his a quick grasp. Before he could even register what happened she gave him a smile and strolled off into the evening.

Snape sat for a long while in silence, his Defense Against the Dark Arts paper thoroughly forgotten. He'd done exactly what he shouldn't have… and yet… he felt no qualms. He was also honest in the fact that he'd abandon his Slytherin friends. The glowing prospect of being able to call himself Lily Evans' friend was overwhelmingly bright. He stood up, feeling lighter than he had in weeks. Collecting his things he made his way up the slope and to the entrance of the castle. As he walked across the grassy plains he spied Remus Lupin sitting on the steps of the courtyard. He looked whiter than death and was sporting a number of cuts and bruises. Snape approached him warily and gave him a studying look.

"Feeling all right, Lupin?" He said without tone in his voice. Remus looked up at him weakly and dropped his gaze back to his old, worn out shoes.

"Fine…" He said, sounding hoarse.

"I've noticed you haven't been in school the past couple days? Have you been ill?" He asked, again not showing a hint of the burning curiosity that plagued him. He knew James Potter and all of his team were knee high in some sort of plan. Remus merely nodded and sighed, Snape pressed on. "Well, be careful… You wouldn't want anyone to think you were…. Up to something…"


	4. Golden Hymn

Note: Well, this chapter does have a section of it that I'm well aware didn't happen in the real story of Harry Potter. I know that Snape never reached werewolf Lupin, but becuase I wanted to write the scene where it happened, I did. So, yes. I do know that that section is techinically false, but I decided to go with it anyway. And Snape stole the library book, he's not borrowing it. : ) Also, I'm not a hundred-percent sure how the whole Voldemort's followers thing began, so this is just a guess on my part. Sorry if I messed that up too... Well, yup.

Chapter Four

_And if the snow buries my, my neighboorhood.  
And if my parents are crying  
Then i'll dig a tunnel from my window to yours,  
Yeah, a tunnel from my window to yours. _

_You climb out the chimney,  
And meet me in the middle, the middle of the town._

_Then our skin gets thicker from  
Living out in the snow. _

_You change all the lead  
sleeping in my head to gold,  
as the day grows dim  
I hear you sing a golden hymn _

"Congratulations on a successful examination, I applaud everyone of you that passed. Now, as you all know, next year you will all be taking your Ordinary Wizard Levels. The grades that you score on these will be essential in your career choices. I suggest over the summer you all start to put some thought into what careers you shall seek in the future. Well, that concludes this all the transfiguration for you this year. I hope you enjoy your summer holidays. See you all on September the first!" Professor McGonagall placed her hands flat on the desk as the whole class clamored out of their seats and made their way to the door. Snape weaved through the sea of Ravenclaw students and out into the corridor. Another year at Hogwarts was finally complete. The small shred of relief Snape felt was nothing compared to the behemoth sized dread of seeing his father again. _An entire summer of rotting away… wonderful…_ Snape thought as he made his way out into the courtyard. Not knowing or wanting to do anything at all he choose a spot on the grassy ground and sat down with his back against a tree. He then extracted a book from his back. His dark eyes scanned the title, _Legilimency; Secrets Unfolded_. Snape had discovered the title in the library and was interested to find out more. The art of delving into the mind of another and picking at their deepest secrets seemed like a veritable world of possibilities. If he could somehow find a way to discover Potter's secret plans and bust them wide open…

Moments later he was absorbed in the book. The theories, to him, seemed almost too easy to be true. He read from the balmy afternoon into dusk, taking in every word with increasing interest.

"Term's over, Snivelly!" At once his book was wrenched away from him. Grasping the air in front of him, he saw Sirius black. "This'll be of no use to you now! Allow me to dispose of it for you. Besides you need to be studying proper washing methods, not… Legi...men...? What's all this rubbish, then?"

"Let me show you." Snape growled. "_Legilimens_!" Concentrating on the methods shown in the book and executing them with precise action, Snape was suddenly plunged into flash after flash of memories. He saw a young Sirius glumly looking out the window in a musty dark manor… Sirius and James were comforting a troubled looking Lupin… The four of them were pouring over some sort of blank parchment, discussing ideas… At once the memories faded from Snape's head as Sirius bellowed in outrage. Snape was panting with exhilaration and smile crossed his thin lips. He couldn't believe he actually pulled it off. Sirius looked thoroughly shaken. He'd dropped the book into the grass and was slowly backing away from Snape.

"What just happened…? How did you?" Sirius' eyes darted around, looking slightly disturbed.

"A look into the life and times of Mr. Sirius Black… Tell me, how does it feel to have an enemy inside your head?" Snape said curtly, relishing Sirius' frightened look. Black snarled at him and backed up slightly.

"You'll pay for that, Snivellus!" Without another word Sirius ran off, no doubt to seek comfort from his master, James Potter. Snape stood glowing with happiness as she watched Sirius run, his dark robes billowing in the evening wind. He stepped over in a businesslike manner and removed the book from the ground, tucking it into his pocket.

"That was amazing, Snape…" Said a calm voice from behind him. Pursing his lips, Severus turned to see Cleo leaning gracefully on the tree. "What did you do to him?" Snape looked at her ponderingly.

"I gave him a scare… that's all…If I ever really hurt one of precious Potter's little pawns the headmaster would toss me out. I am forced to remain civil, much as I long to see them bleed…" Snape gathered his belongings and began to move away from Cleo. She followed behind him like a hawk eyeing it's prey.

"Severus, where have you been lately. Malfoy's said you've been hanging around Muggle-Born filth. Is that true?" She asked, showing a very uncommon note of concern in her voice. Snape felt an odd twinge in his stomach but remained steady.

"I don't know any Muggle-Borns and I don't have any friends at all, remember?" Snape said waspishly, keeping his gaze fixed in front of him.

"Well, Lucius told me you've been hanging round that Gryffindor girl called Evans…" She said as-a-matter-of-factly. "She's a Mudblood. Lucius says you two've gotten quite cozy… You fancy her don't you?" Deep inside him Snape felt a wave of anger towards Cleo and Lucius but quickly recovered.

"Charming though Malfoy's inspiration was, the answer is no." Snape drawled, climbing the steps into the castle. Cleo looked doubtful and sighed. As if considering something, she suddenly burst into a hurried whisper.

"Snape, listen. I've got to talk to you about something. Something really important." She pulled him by the wrist through the entrance hall and into a deserted dungeon corridor. She looked side to side to make sure no one was around, then gave him a dark look. Snape looked irritated with her.

"How much do you know about the… the Dark Lord?" She whispered harshly, looking a bit fearful. Snape was honestly confused.

"Dark Lord?" He inquired. Cleo looked a bit unsettled for a moment.

"He calls himself Lord… Lord Voldemort, but we do not speak his name. He's got a small group of followers who believe in the world we believe in. He stands for the noble house of Slytherin and the fact that Muggle filth shouldn't be allowed to learn magic. Some of the older Slytherins have already joined, and the rest of us are eager to. We could use talent like yours, Severus. You could help pave the road to a new era of wizarding… you could have all the power you desired…" Cleo finished, a mad, excited look in her eyes. Snape was a bit disturbed by her demeanor. He bit his lip slightly.

"As much as your offer tempts me, I'll have to decline for now… I don't want to get mixed up in illegal activities _just_ yet." Snape said sarcastically. Cleo squinted her eyes at him.

"You always were rather unpleasant, Severus…" She eyed him with mild distaste. "Well, when you realize who's going to come out on top, the Dark Lord will be waiting." She made to leave but then turned back to him. "Oh, you tell anyone about this and James Potter will be the least of your worries, mate…" She said, her ruby lips glinting in the dull candlelight. Snape gave her his most unpleasant smile and they parted ways.

As the Hogwarts Express pulled into King's Cross Station to platform 9 ¾ Snape was almost sorry to leave. He got off the train and eyed the students who were engaged in tearful and joyous reunions with their parents and siblings. Snape's lip curled at the sentimental sight and he turned on heel. Setting off towards the exit of the platform, Snape turned back for one last glance at Lily Evans. It took but a moment to pick her brilliant red hair out of the crowd. She was chatting animatedly to her parents. Beside her a girl who had to be her sister looked extremely uncomfortable. Severus gazed at her, his face stony but his heart filled with yearning. With a jolt of excitement she looked in his direction. In a moment that seemed to quiet the noisy chatter around them, Lily smiled broadly and waved at him. Snape tried his best to smile back, knowing he looked ridiculous. He put up a hand, then quickly turned and raced through the platform. He knew that Lily most likely thought of him as the most socially awkward person on the face of the earth, but the attention from her still gave him a shock of elation. Smiling to himself and keeping his head down, Snape began his long journey home.

Murky darkness clouded the air outside Snape's home. From the moment the Muggle cab driver left him standing in the front walk he knew something was wrong. The door was a swinging open in the light summer breeze. Leaving his belongings outside, Snape produced his wand and kicked the door open from a distance. It was pitch dark inside the house.

Cautiously, Snape lit his wand and crept forward into the gloom. Once he was inside and found there was no sign of immediate danger anywhere, he turned on the lights. The sitting room furniture had been smashed and littered all over the floor. The table where just last winter Severus and his father sat arguing had been upturned and splintered. Everything was in disarray. Padding warily down the hall and peering into each empty room, Severus called out through the thick silence. There was no answer. He went into his room at the end of the hall and saw that most the things inside had been upturned. Scanning the room carefully, what he saw on the wall below the window make his throat close up slightly. A smear of dried blood marred the dirty tan wall right below the windowsill. The window above was open and the curtains were flapping like ghosts in the wind. Snape moved closer and saw he could discern the outline of a head and a pair of shoulder in the blood smear. He sat cross legged on the ground beside the wall, wondering what could've happened. As his eyes searched the spot around the window for some sort of clue he saw a piece of paper jammed in between the floor boards. He tugged on it and with some effort dislodged the object. There was something bundled up in side the paper. Snape unrolled it and a golden key rattled to the floor. Confused, he looked up at the paper. It had a bloody fingerprint and a few spatters of scarlet across it. Scribbled in messy ink were several words.

_Now we are free._

_E.P._

Feeling sick and invigorated all at once, Snape stood up a great rushing in his ears. He knew what this meant, knew exactly who'd done this. A great feeling of glory rose up in his chest, knowing that he was indeed emancipated. Scooping the key from the ground and shutting the window Snape smiled with the fortifying fact that his father was gone and would never return. He was indeed free.

Solitude and silence worked together to make the summer holidays perfect for Severus. After the first week of repairing the damage done to his newly won over home, all he had left to do was whatever he wished. He finished the Legilimency book after the first few days of freedom and began to practice the theory behind it. When his thirst for knowledge grew too powerful he made an excursion to Diagon Alley where he discovered the use of the golden key left behind in the scrap of paper. It turned out to be the key to a vault stocked high with Galleons and Sickles. He withdrew a large amount and went straight to Flourish and Blotts and bought all the books he could carry. The remainder of his summer holidays was spent immersed in the pages of many a book. Snape longed to practice his newfound techniques, but felt the anticipation of watching Potter crawling on his belly to get away from whatever could be poking around his most intimate memories at the start of term would be worth it. Aside from Legilimency, Severus began to delve into the world of creating his own spells. Snape studied the Latin roots and power that commanded the mystique of the magical wand. As he filled his mind with visions of dark magic and powerfeul enchantmnets, he vertiabley ached to try them out for himself. It was frustrating to be limited to dreams when he could simply reach out and command his wishes to become true.

However, when the books were safely tucked away, it was very different type of yearning that gripped Snape. He couldn't stop seeing Lily. She was everywhere. She wouldn't leave him. She…_couldn't_ leave him. The depraved seed of weakness and desire that had been planted had gone to seed. It tangled inside of him, constricting his very life. He could no longer ignore the dark flames that seared him and the absence of her only made the sickness that ailed him worse. He desperately needed to see her face, to see her floating by in the corridor, to let her girlish and delicate laughter set his heart off. It was driving him completely mad.

The pure and seething hatred he expressed towards the world and those living in seemed to skip over that lovely girl. One evening as he lay on his bed, feeling blinding frustration he could drive the fact off no longer.

_I'm hopelessly… in…love…_

The fact brought no joy to his heart. It rather filled him with a dull sense of despair. He knew that it was utterly impossible for a shining creature like Lily to feel any sort of affection for a wretch like himself. It was if he were in a sealed room slowly filled with icy water. There was no way out.

And yet in the few moments before sleep he could see himself beside her…

Once the dreadful doldrums of summer had come to an end, the students found themselves back at Hogwarts again. The first weeks of term turned out to be sopping wet. Rain fell endlessly from the sky as the students splashed from class to class. Everything was the exact same way they had left it in the summer time. The O.W.L. examination preparation began as early as the first day of term. The fifth years' work load was constantly getting piled higher day by day. Snape worked long hours in the dormitory on scrolls of homework, essay and reading long a boring chapters from the history of magic textbook. Each night proved longer than the next. Nobody had much time for anything. Potter's torment had even rolled to a standstill in light of the new work load. One Sunday in the middle of October the rain pounded so hard that the grounds were nearly flooded. Sitting inside all afternoon, Snape began his homework by his dormitory window. His wand dangled in his hand as he practiced the spells written on the paper in front of him. The chill in the air and the rhythmic pounding of the rain outside was enough to make him feel drowsy. Sleep deprived and fatigued, Snape nodded off for what seemed like a few moments. The sleep became darker and deeper at an alarming rate.

At once he was standing in the middle of a grubby room, searing pain tearing into his chest and arms. A trickle of blood flowed down his wrist into a pool on the ground. Tearing his shirt away he cried out in agony and disgust. Twisted black thorns crept all around his chest and coiled about his arms, tearing into his skin. Blood oozed down from all around him. He could feel the thorns digging deeper, killing him. He could taste the blood in his mouth, choking him. The thorns began to gather in a point on his chest, twisting and shredding away parts of his body. He had to remove it, extract it. He grabbed his wand and cried out for help.

"_Sectus_… Latin for… cutting…." He could hear is own voice mumbling. The pain right in the middle of his chest, a stinging point. "_Sectus_!" He yelped. A pain clawed at his arm and Severus jerked away. He looked around, heart still beating quickly. The quill he'd been using to complete his charms homework was poking into his chest. He removed it at once and saw a drop of his blood dotting the tip. Even as the effects of the dream wore away, he could still feel a raw stinging on his arm. Pushing away his cloak he saw a deep angry gash dripping on the underside of him arm. Confounded but strangely hypnotized he touched the bleeding wound.

"_Sectus_?" He murmured to himself. He stared increduously at his wand which he still grasped. A crash of thunder exploded outside the window and Severus turned to look outside. Out in the thick of the storm were two people slowly crossing the grounds. With every beat of Snape's heart a sting of pain lurched up his wound, but it still wasn't enough to break Snape's gaze on the two who scoured the grounds. He saw the silhouette of the person on the right twist back watching intently. Another crash of lightening illuminated the grounds and in the split second that Severus saw the person's face he knew the battle with Potter would soon be won. _Remus Lupin._ Throwing his things aside, Snape threw himself out of the dormitory and down the stone staircase. Pounding through the common room door Snape was plunged into darkness. He knew he had to be quiet and stealthy, but he also had to hurry. Plowing through the tunnels and stone halls of the maze that was the dungeon, Snape soon emerged into the entrance hall, not making a sound. As his eyes darted around the hall maliciously he spied three outlines of three boys crouching in the shadows beside the door. One was fat and the other two were tall and lean. Snape could barely hide his excitement. Smiling maniacally, Severus rushed forward like a great bat and brandished his wand like a whip.

"_STUPEFY_!" He hissed victoriously. "_Locomotor Mortis_!" He aimed two curses at the boy in the center and watched him crash to the ground and fall still. He heard the squeal of Peter Pettigrew and the disoriented yelp of Sirius Black. Snape aimed an unspoken disarming curse at the both of them before they could jinx him. He grabbed the front of Sirius' robes and pushed him into the wall.

"Well, well, well… Mr. Black and his buddies out for a midnight stroll." He hissed in Sirius' ear.

"Gerroff me, Snape!" Sirius struggled but Snape put a wand to his neck and aimed a venomous glance at fat scared Pettigrew.

"Move and I'll make you wish you were never born." Snape was enamored with the power that coursed through him as Pettigrew whimpered in grim understanding.

"Now, let's go all of you. I'm taking you all for an excursion to see the headmaster. Let's get moving, chums… _Levicorpus_…" James' unconscious body rose into the air as if dangled on invisible strings.

"B-but what about Lupin?" Sirius said somewhat loudly to Pettigrew. Snape swooped back around, James bobbing like a huge marionette doll.

"Lupin's around here?" Snape demanded. Sirius was deathly quiet, looking almost exaggeratedly fearful of Snape. "TELL ME!" Snape spoke with terrible force.

"W-we… didn't want to…No, I mustn't reveal our plans…" Sirius whimpered. Snape was a bit confused with Black's irregular demeanor, but was mad with the desire to know of their plans.

"You tell me now!" Snape commanded, pushing the tip of his wand into Sirius throat. His arm gave a fierce sting of pain. Sirius sobbed a bit.

"Just go to the big willow tree and prod the knot in the very center… I-it's all t-there…" Sirius sounded totally defeated. Snape broke into a wide smile. "_Incarcerous_!" Three lines of bindings shot out and tied Sirius, James and Peter up tightly.

"I'll be back soon with the fourth member of your little club. Take a good look around, this may be the last look you get of these halls." Snape sneered at them. Sirius was scowling in his direction, a strange line of fear shadowing his face. Severus ran out the door set off across the grounds. Rain pummeled and chilled, plunging icy stings into his wound. Treading on the sopping grounds Severus approached the tree, quite out of breath. He looked around a spied a long stick on the ground and poked the exact spot where Sirius had instructed him to do so. At once, the shuddering tree began to relax and a dark spot opened in the roots of the tree. Magnificently excited, Snape rushed forward into the darkness without a moment's hesitation. Inside it was a cold and narrow walkway. Severus kept moving as fast as he could. He could feel the victory he'd pursued since his very first day at Hogwarts growing ever closer. For what seemed like an hour of crawling about in the dripping darkness a thin, dull rectangle of light flashed into view. _A door_. Feeling extremely fatigued but mad with desire, Snape lunged forward and grasped the handle of the door and wrenched it open forcibly. Snape peered into the dull atmosphere before him… All around were festering pieces of furniture and broken glass, encased by thin, creaking wood walls. A dark sense of familiarity crept over him. He was in the Shrieking Shack. He glanced over at the door, remembering vaguely the day he'd stood side by side with Lily. This was it. He was so close to bringing all of James' cruelty and arrogance to a dead stop. Amongst the sounds of crashing rain and thunder, a low growling rumbled into the night. Furrowing his brow, Snape turned towards the stairwell above him, and froze suddenly. At the rail of the landing, growling a drooling madly was a full grown werewolf. Snape stood in shock, urging his legs to move but finding he had lost control of them. The beast reared back, ready to pounce and Snape's ankles went out. With a fearsome swooping the werewolf leapt from the top of the landing to the ground floor, right in front of Snape. It rounded on him, gnashing its teeth hungrily. Snape's frozen limbs jerked weakly. He couldn't even find the breath to cry out. With lightening fast movements and incredible strength the beast leapt on him and slashed at his chest with it's claws. A shower of blood hit the ground beside him and Snape's voice was discovered as he yelled in agony and terror. He knew he was about to be torn to pieces, the suffocating weight of the beast crushing his chest. He could feel the blood being forced out of by its weight, dripping warm on his neck. He could feel the presence of death, waiting to grasp him. The shaggy wolf raised it's head back and opened it's jaws wide. Snape closed his eyes and waited for death to come. There was a great tumble and crash and a good deal of noise and Severus was sure he had died. He sat shaking in a ball and only one thought pulsed in his mind, like a morose illuminated sign in his head. _I never told her how I felt…_

The fear seemed to drip away into overwhelming sorrow. Everything was still again, Snape couldn't hear a thing. A sudden sharp kick on the back jolted him back to life.

"SNAPE, MOVE!" Someone bellowed. Above his head. He felt a hand dragging him away and his legs burst into movement.

"I'm… alive…?" His own voice sounded pinched and pathetic to him.

"Get UP!" He was pulled to his feet. James Potter was staring him straight in the face. Unlike Snape's cringing and frightened expression, James' face was grim and very brave. Without a moment to waste, he yanked Snape's wrist forward and pulled him through the dark mustiness of the Shrieking Shack. Snape could feel the wolf behind them, getting ever closer. The door was in sight. The two boys ran with all their might, thinking of nothing but the rotting doorway that would lead them back to freedom. He could feel it's hot breath on his ankle, hear its teeth snapping. James flew through the door and shut it with force after Snape had cleared it. Behind the door the sounds of the struggling Werewolf were audible. It gave a piercing howl of rage.

Snape managed to choke,"Co-- _Colloportus_!" and the door sealed itself magically. The two boys looked at each other for a long moment and both slumped down in the darkness, panting and shivering.

"Severus…" James said with ragged breath. Snape looked up at him, feeling extremely vulnerable. Never before had James called him by his first name. James' expression was tearful and disquieted, which threw Snape for more of a loop than he could handle. He felt himself beginning to break down as well. "Severus, I'm sorry." Snape felt a hot tear slide down his cheek. "Sirius thought you'd get scared… a-and run back to the castle… He never expected you to find Lupin…" Snape was shocked. His voice was weak and shaking.

"That… thing was Lupin?" He sputtered, in totally disbelief. "Sirius-- he knew?" Snape was aghast. "I almost _died_, James. _It nearly ripped me to pieces_!" A thick silence hung between them. James looked horrified and violently ill. "Do you hate me that much? Do you really want me to be torn to shreds for you amusement!? _IS THAT YOUR IDEA OF A JOKE_!?" Snape practically shrieked. Two tears rolled down James' sickened expression. He shook his head furiously, his usual windswept hair dripping with rain water. Snape was finding it difficult to focus on anything. Pain coursed up and down his body. James crawled closer to Severus in the stagnant air. Filthy darkness hung like a poison on the air.

"I'm sorry… I'm so sorry…." He voice seemed far away and faint. Severus' vision clouded and he closed his eyes, losing all awareness in his shaking body and agonized mind.


	5. Sinking Feeling

Note: Well, I was dying to write this chapter for the longest time and I had a great time doing it. I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it. Again, sorry for any grammar/spelling mistakes, or story errors.

Chapter Five

_Where are we? What the hell is going on?_

_The dust has only just begun to fall, crop circles in the carpet_

_Sinking feeling_

_Spin me round again and rub my eyes this can't be happening_

_When busy streets amass with people would stop to hold their head heavy_

_hide and seek.  
trains and sewing machines.  
all those years, they were here first._

_oily marks appear on walls  
where pleasure moments hung before.  
the takeover, the sweeping insensitivity of this  
still life._

_hide and seek.  
trains and sewing machines. ( you won't catch me around here)  
blood and tears,  
they were here first._

_ransom notes keep falling out your mouth.  
mid-sweet talk, newspaper word cut-outs.  
speak no feeling, no i dont believe you.  
you don't care a bit. you don't care a bit._

Snape dragged the metal stirring rod around his cauldron carefully as a father rocks his newborn child. As he stirred the grayish potion inside the cauldron, his face was unreadable. The mixture bubbled and sputtered, becoming the consistency of mud. Severus continued to stir the potion methodically, but his mind was elsewhere. The memories of the few days before his return to school had haunted him frequently for the past few months.

He remembered vaguely hearing James and Sirius' voice in the darkness of the deep dark tunnel.

_Oh God James… I didn't think…_

_He's bleeding bad… Is he even breathing!? _

_Sirius! Hurry, get Professor Dumbledore!_

He had awoken in the hospital wing later that morning to the most wonderful sight in the whole world. Lily Evans was there, looking sick with grief and teary-eyed. The moment he opened his eyes she had thrown her arms around his neck. True, it had been quite painful… but he wouldn't have given it up for anything else in the world. A day later Professor Dumbledore called all five of the boys who had be out that rainy evening to his office. After a serious and nerve-racking lecture they were all released without any punishment. As the five were walking back to the common room, Snape discreetly pulled James aside.

"Potter…" He began stiffly. "No matter how it started, you… saved my life…" Snape remembered the awkward expression on Potter's face with vivid embarrassment. "If you hadn't of been there then, I wouldn't be here right now… Thank you." He extended a hand gravely, revolted by the humble pie he had forced himself to swallow. After that things had been rather awkward and touchy better James and Severus.

Snape removed the heat from the potion he'd been religiously brewing for one month. He smiled with a shade of pride at the completed product. A perfect Polyjuice Potion… Cleo, who's extra credit potion was leagues behind his, stared at his creation in awe.

"What in the world is that?" She asked pointing into his cauldron.

"Polyjuice potion…" Snape replied dryly, removing his dragon skin gloves. "Add a bit of whomever you like to the mixture and it allows you to take the form of that person." Cleo looked gracefully dumbfounded.

"Severus… You could really put your talents to work, you know…" She said somewhat darkly. Out of the corner of his eye, Snape Saw Lily Evans eyeing him warily. He looked back at Cleo.

"You're right… Maybe I could use it to teach students one day." He said it loud enough for Lily to have heard, praying that she had. Cleo pursed her lips in a very cute but pouty way. She knew perfectly well that he'd understood her true meaning. Without another word Snape bottled a sample of his impeccable concoction and swooped up to the teacher's desk and placed his flask down on the wood with a little click. Professor Slughorn looked up from his notes at Snape's perfect potion and sour face. After inspecting it with a few noises of disbelief he gave out a short cheer.

"Well, done, lad! I say, a flawless Polyjuice potion at your age! Bravo, bravo! Fifty points to Slytherin! An amazing achievement, Mr. Snape." Snape gave him a thin smile.

"A trifle, but thank you for you praise." Snape turned around and saw standing behind him.

"Severus… I wish I could be as smart as you…" She smiled, her pink lips curving into an alluring and adorable shape. Snape tried to speak but merely mumbled incoherently and walked away, cursing at himself. Lily giggled a bit to herself and set about bottling her own potion.

Snape reached the desk in a flurry. He knew James Potter's eyes were fixed on him and he chose not to return the glance. He hoped furiously that the awkward air between them was enough to ward him away from confronting him about Lily. As he started to pack his things away he noticed his cauldron and other instruments were neatly cleaned and put away. He looked around inquiringly.

"Oh, I cleaned up for you." Cleo said with a grin on her face. Snape lowered his brows, wondering why she was being so nice. He packed his things away and made to leave and Cleo once again rushed up to his side.

"Look, Severus I think we need to have a chat…" She started off in her usual. They strolled down the corridor together, Snape feeling slightly exasperated.

"I told you Cleo… I'm not interested in that stuff right no-"

"It's about that Gryffindor girl…" She said darkly. Snape could see she was enjoying watching his moment of panic. He recovered seamlessly.

"There are girls in Gryffindor?" He said mirthlessly.

"You know exactly who I'm talking about, Severus." She sped in front of him and stopped, freezing him in his tracks. He looked at her, feeling as if his heart were see-through. She smiled haughtily. "Don't try and lie to me. I've seen the way you look over at her."  
"…Don't know what you're ta-"

"Too late for playing dumb. Everybody knows." She put a hand on her hip and stared him down. Severus couldn't think of what to say. He felt his face growing uncomfortably hot and he looked at his shoes.

"Why do you care anyway, it has nothing to do with you…"

"It has a lot to do with me if you're madly in love with a dirty Mudblood! That means all the things you told us was a lie… and it's not good for liars and sneaks to know about our plans, is it Severus?" Snape wasn't remotely worried about anything Cleo was saying at the moment. James Potter was standing across the hall, looking more furious than he ever had. He wasn't moving a muscle and yet Snape was filled with ice-cold dread. "Severus? Are you even listening to me?" Snape turned and began speeding in the opposite direction as fast as he could. The pounding of footsteps behind him didn't bode well. He ran all the way down into an abandoned corridor, listening to Cleo's shrieks getting farther and farther away.

"SNIVELLY! OY! STOP RIGHT THERE!" He felt a hand grasp his shoulder. James whirled him around and pinned him with unbridled strength against the wall.

"Get away from me!" Snape shouted, struggling to throw him off.

"So my hunch was right. Little Snivelly has finally reached puberty and fallen in love. Only he made the bad mistake of falling in love with_ my girl_!" James looking startling contemptuous.

"She's nobody's _girl,_ Potter. Maybe if you thought about it that way she wouldn't hate you as much as she does!" Snape retorted. It felt as if the unspoken tension over the subject of Lily had broken free with the force of one thousand floods. Enmity which had been stowed briefly between the two enemies burned brightly once more.

"You listen to me… Stay away from her, you hear me? I don't want a sick and depraved guy like you violating her in any way." Potter roared.

"You don't tell me what to do, Potter. I've had it with your arrogant attitude… You think just because you've got a smidge of quidditch talent that everyone in the word has to heed your every word?" James looked furious.

"I'd be careful if I were you Snivelly. Lily's in my house… If I feel like… letting certain information slip tonight in the common room, who knows what she will think of you?" James taunted. Snape couldn't conceal the feeling of wild hysteria that overcame Snape. If Lily ever knew… if she ever found out…

"You know I think I just might. See you later, Snivellus!" James threw him to the ground and began to strut off. Frenzied fear overtaking Snape he screamed at James' retreating figure.

"Pig! Come back and settle this like a man!" He plunged his hands into his robe and screamed the first word that popped into his mind.

"_Sectus_!! _SECTUS_!! _SECTU_…._SEMPRA_!" A wave of blood exploded from James' back in varying jets. Snape stood in whirling terror. He had originally planned to use '_Rictusempra_', which they'd been studying in charms earlier today but the words had gotten mixed up. James collapsed, howling in pain as he lay in a puddle of his own blossoming blood. Snape ran over, wide-eyed and breathless. He stood over James' cringing form, watching his every move.

"Potter…. are you--UGH!" Potter back kicked both of Snape's legs at the ankles, causing him to land painful on his knees. He wrenched his wand out of his robes, his face shining with rage and blood.

"_REDUCTO_!!" Potter screamed violently. Snape was blasted off his knees and into the wall. Finding himself unable to breathe, Snape grasped his wand fiercely.

"_Cru_…" Snape gasped as James started rushing towards him. Before he could utter the curse James kicked Snape in the mouth, causing him to be thrown over onto his side. Snape lay on the ground moaning and sobbing. James grasped the front of Snape's robes and tugged him viciously foreword. Snape felt the inside of his lips were badly cut and pouring blood in his mouth. Several of his teeth were loose or broken. James' robes were shining with blood and he looked fearsome.

"Unforgivable curses, Snivelly?" He spoke in a guttural and ruthless tone. "Very wrong indeed. Snape put a protective hand over his mauled face and whimpered in unbearable pain. He could feel the foul slipperiness of the blood and saliva mixture on his throbbing jaw. "You think you're so strong? You're pathetic… Lily could never love you. Never. You know why? Because you're a cruel, hideous, greasy little wart. Now you need to be taught a bit of a lesson I think." James' breath was haggard and vicious. He got to his knees above the cowering form of Severus and repeatedly jammed his fist into Snape's stomach. After Snape had curled into a shivering mess on the floor, James' staggered to his feet. "Lucky for you I'm feel kind today. I won't tell anyone you did this to me…" He laughed haughtily with some effort as Snape looked up to him with streaming eyes. "But I will tell every Gryffindor and Evans all that I know about your _desires_… and maybe a little more if I'm feeling creative!" James staggered off clumsily down the hall, leaving Snape lying broken and bleeding in the hallway. Snape rolled over onto his stomach, every inch of him aching. He got to his feet slowly and precariously. It felt like the most difficult endeavor he had ever achieved. Every time he breathed, flecks of blood shot from his mouth. He stumbled down the hall, knowing he was close to collapsing at any moment. Where was everybody? Why was no one helping him? He trudged through the hallway, every second like a moment in hell. When he stepped into the entrance hall, looking tragically beaten, his hand dripping with blood and clapped over his mutilated face. A group of Gryffindors were chatting together in the hall turned and looked at him. One or two of them gasped. He heard something laughing contemptuously. He turned towards the sound and saw a tall Gryffindor prefect pointing and laughing at him. At once cruel laughter began to echo throughout the hall, reverberating off the marble floors and ceilings. They were all _laughing_. Laughing at his anguish and pain.

Letting his hand fall to his side and splattering blood on the smooth floor. He turned to the large Gryffindor who'd started the laughter.

"SHUT THE FUCK UP!!" He screamed at the chortling boy.

"Ten points from Slytherin. Bad language is inexcusable!" The prefect retorted. The laughter grew stronger. Snape boiled in inexplicable rage and limped as fast as he could out the doors in the freezing December night. The biting cold added to Snape's pain as he stumbled weakly across the grounds and to the edge of the lake. Snow powdered the ground where he stood and a thin sheath of frost covered the lake. Snape had never felt more miserable or hopeless in his life. It wasn't even the fact that he was suffering physically and emotionally that bothered him the most. In a few short hours Lily Evans would know of his passion towards her. She'd know it as a perverse and disgusting lie from James'. From tonight on the only person who had ever been kind to Severus would begin to hate and mock him like everyone else. The one good thing in his life was about to disappear for good. He gazed out at the lake. _My life isn't worth living…_

Stepping closer to the frozen surface was torture, but he made it eventually. He looked out at the rippling surface, white clouds emissing from his raw mouth. He considered seriously whether pain of death was worse than pain of life. A wave of anguish swept him as he thought of Lily's reaction to his feelings. Would she laugh? Feel a sort of pity for him? Or be outright disgusted…?

Dying was worlds better than any of the three.

Severus stepped into the icy water up to his ankles._It'll only hurt for a moment longer _he convinced himself, breathlessly scared at the thought.He waded deeper in until the freezing water snapped at his knees. His legs were numb. His heart pounded with the idea of what he was about to do. _My life was horrible from my first moments, wasn't it? Why did this happen to me?_ He went in farther, the numb pain beginning to subside somewhat.

_I wonder what's waiting for me on the other side of those dark waters…_

_I wonder if anyone will miss me…._

A terrible thought suddenly gripped Severus' throat and tears ran hot down his face, mulling with the blood on his chin.

_I wonder if you'll cry… Lily…_

He watched his own tears join with the cold water. Kicking away the thin crust of ice from the top of the lake he made an opening for himself. Without warning, as if his body was acting for him, he plunged himself into the icy water. It was torture. The epitome of pain. His head was pounding from the feirce cold of the water, but he managed to extract his wand. Nonverbally commanding ropes to bind his feet to a rock on the lake floor, Severus watched his oily black hair floating in the water above him. He could see the moon winking at him from above the surface of the water. Numbness gripped his body. He began to choke, feeling the searing water flood down his throat and into his lungs. Cold death was becoming a part of him, just as his tears had been swallowed by the water. His heart was pumping desperatly fast, his lungs exploding. His automatically struggling limbs began to loose feeling and his eyes shut slowly.

_Lily…_

It was so cold… so painfully cold…

_You were… the moment of quiet… in my life of torment…_

A plunging sound erupted into the water and the ropes that bound him to death were suddenly cut. He floated to the surface, gasping for breath but finding he could not. The water in his lungs was preventing it. A thin but strong arm grasped him and began pulling him into shore as he sputtered and choked up water. Once he was safely back on the rocky shore of the lake, he continued to cough out all the water from his lungs. Gasping and pulling stinging breathes of life, he lay on the shore, not really sure what had happened. He heard a person coughing and dripping water beside him. He turned his head to see Lily herself, crawling on the rocks, her hair sopping wet. He felt angry and tormented.

"WHY… did you stop me?" His voice shaking with rage and weakness. Lily struggled over to him, her eyes red and her body shaking. She slapped him bluntly across the face, sending Snape into another whirl of pain. He bellowed and grasped his face. The shreds and holes on the inside of his mouth were raw from the freezing water, his splintered teeth were needles in his mouth. "You little… Don't try and stop me… I _want_ to die… don't you understand?" Snape snarled, grabbing his wand and pointing it at himself.

"_Avada Ke_-" Lily ripped the wand from his hand and tossed it into the pebbles beside her. She threw her arms around Severus and sobbed into his chest. Shaking and at his wit's end, Snape put his arms around her in return. The two sat shivering and holding each other in the freezing cold for what seemed like eternity. Eventually Lily looked up, her countenance anguished.

"Why, Severus? Why?" She looked so helpless and hurt. Snape frowned miserably.

"Because I have nothing to live for, Lily… My life is hell…" She looked at him concernedly.

"Nobody's life is that bad…" She said softly.

"Oh yeah!?" He yelled, feeling very misunderstood. "I have no friends! Nobody likes me, everybody thinks I'm just some greasy laughingstock to poke fun at! I have to live with the dread of being tormented and displayed like some sort of show everyday of my life! Do you know what that's like? To be completely alone? I have no one on my side!" Lily looked quite shaken.

"W-what about your parents?" She ventured cautiously. Snape laughed derisively, whipping back the sleeve of his robe that clung to his wet skin. The scar on his fore arm looked pearly white in the moonlight. "My filthy Muggle father gave this to me when I was six. He'd discovered that my mother was a witch and he beat her down. When I tried to protect her he stabbed my arm with a broken beer bottle. My mother left the family, but wouldn't take me with her because she said I needed to go to school. I lived with that drunken man until last summer, when my mother returned to kill him and set me free of the torture. For all I know she could've died in the process. I have no family." He raged at her. Tears leaked from Lily's eyes. "Nothing in my life makes me happy besides exacting cruel revenge on people who hurt me…That is no way to live…"

"Isn't there anything, Severus!?" Lily yelped thickly through her tears. "There has to be one thing that's good in your life…one thing to live for..." She was weeping. Snape totally broke down.

"There is one thing…" He began miserably, not trusting the words coming out of him mouth. "There's an... abosuletly... beautiful girl that I love. But why live waiting to be rejected? Honestly… who could ever love someone as hideous as me? Someone as disgusting as me…" He ended pathetically.

"Severus, don't talk like this please… You're not hideous or disgusting…" She looked glum but she pulled her wand out. "I'm sorry James did this to you… _Episkey_…" Snape's torn lips and broken teeth began to mend themselves and the searing pain coming to an eventual stop. She produced a wet handkerchief from her pocket and wiped the blood off of Snape's face and neck. Her gentle kindness and healing spells seemed to quiet the torrent of sorrow in Snape. He felt a simple and powerful affection for the girl that pulled him from the freezing waters… She smiled and put the handkerchief back into her pocket and grabbed both of Snape's hands, giving him the kindest of looks.

"Listen to me… please… Even when you're life seems terrible… even when you can't force yourself to take one more step… You can't give up… You are here for a reason, Severus. I know you have a lot of pain in your life, but trust me… It can't last forever… You need to stay alive… even if it's just for that girl…" Severus nodded in agreement. "...and you're not alone. I'm here for you..." Even sopping wet and shivering Lily was angelic. Seeing her shiver, Snape removed his robes and dried them with a jet of hot air from his wand. He wrapped the robes around Lily and pulled them tightly closed. She smiled. Snow flakes began to drift slowly from the sky, dotting themselves in Lily's vivacious hair.

"Thank you, Lily…" He said, never meaning it more purely than he did in that one moment. With a new found quiet in his soul, he walked her up to the entrance hall and thanked her again. She gave him another smile.

"Severus… I was scared tonight… Please don't do that to me. I really… I really do care about you, you know…" Snape's heart had never before felt so light. He didn't dare to believe his ears and yet, the sweet sounds of those words sent him into a world of ecstasy. He couldn't even reply. "Goodnight." She said sweetly and begun to climb the stairs. Halfway she stopped and turned back slowly to Snape who was still watching her with a rapt gaze.

"By the way… err, I just wondering... but...who… is that girl you like, anyway?" She inquired in a gentle way. Snape's heart hammered and he looked at his feet, thinking of what to say. He looked back up into her earnest face.

"You haven't figured it out by now…?" He said with a wry, sheepish smile. Before she could answer he turned and set off towards the dungeon and to the Slytherin common room. He wouldn't have his answer until a week later when he was boarding the Hogwarts Express for home. Looking out wistfully at the castle and thinking of his close calls in the past few months, Snape found it hard to believe he was standing in the snow at all, just as he was about to turn to board the train, he spied Lily running towards him, waving.

"Severus, wait!" She called out. Snape felt a tad uneasy; he was worried that James might be watching the whole scene from the sidelines. Lily came up to him, quite out of breath.

"Lily, what are you doing here? I thought you were staying in the castle this time around?" She caught her breath and stood up straight. She wore a cute pink ski hat over her bright hair and a knit sweater.

"I am… I just wanted to say goodbye to you!" She smiled cheerfully. Snape's face flushed.

"Oh…er… well, goodbye…" Snape said awkwardly.

"See you in a couple of weeks. Oh, by the way…" She started to look a but shy. Snape might've been wrong, but at the moment he was sure it was the most endearing thing he'd even laid eyes on. "I have." She said simply. Snape was totally perplexed.

"You have what?" He asked in a very surly manner.

"I have figured it out." She continue. Alarm and nerves swept him and before he could even think about reacting she produced something from her bag and tossed it around his neck. It was a hand-knitted scarf. Snape had never blushed so furiously. Without warning she grabbed his hands and pulled him downwards. In one glorious moment she leaned close to him and brought her soft, warm lips to his cheek. Then just as quickly she gave a tuneful "Goodbye!" and ran off in the opposite direction. Snape stood in a total daze, no able to move.

_Did that really just happen?_

It was, and always would be, the best moment in Severus Snape's entire life.


	6. Rebel Diamonds

Note: Well, we're getting down to it. This is the second to last chapter. I know it was rather short, huh? Well, I wanted it to be short and simple from the start. Well, the editing might be a bit rush becuase I'm trying to get this all done before I leave for Japan. I also really do not know what is happening to the spacing and tabs I put in. They always seem to disappear when I upload it. Sorry about that. At any rate, I hope you like it : )

Chapter Six

_The Teenage queen, the loaded gun_

_the drop dead dream, the Chosen One  
A subtle kiss that no one sees;  
A broken wrist and a big trapeze_

_It's funny how you just break down  
Waitin' on some sign  
I pull up to the front of your driveway  
With magic soakin' my spine_

_Can you read my mind? _

_Woman, open the door, don't let it sting  
I wanna breathe that fire again_

_She said I don't mind, you don't mind  
'Cause I don't shine if you don't shine_

_Put your back on me _

_The stars are blazing like rebel diamonds cut out of the sun  
Can you read my mind?_

This was it. This had to be it. Snape braced himself, breathing raggedly. He could see her standing across the hall, chatting merrily with a group of Gryffindors. Crouching beside a large stone statue of the Hogwart's house symbols, he found that he couldn't bring himself to take one more step forward. He'd dreaded and anticipated the first day of term for so long now. He knew what he wanted to do, he knew what he _had_ to do, but every time he said it simply sounded lugubriously wrong. Pondering the best strategy to get Lily alone, he chewed his bottom lip nervously. Gradually the group of animated Gryffindors began to sweep in his direction. Panic overcame Severus and he threw himself behind the statue, listening to them pass by and feeling like an total failure. There was no way he'd even be able to go through with this. _I wasn't meant for these sorts of…issues… I'm not cut out for that type of life…_

Getting up and brushing he robes off, he began to creep out from his hiding space only to see Lily standing there peering around the side of the stone sculpture. Severus was so shocked he cried out and tumbled back onto the floor. Lily laughed with a hand over her mouth and moved to help him off the ground.

"I thought I saw you behind here…" She smiled, grasping his hand and helping him up. "Whatever are you doing?"

"Erm…. must've… lost…uh…some sort of…. Something…" Snape murmured. She made no reply as he looked at her face. She was smiling and staring at him. Thrown off by her odd behavior he coughed. "Anything wrong?" He asked gruffly.

"I've missed you… How was your holiday?" She lead him out from behind the statue and into the crowded corridor.

"Dreadfully boring." Snape said, sounding morose. "How was yours…"

"Wonderful, my family and I went to Ireland. I saw all sorts of things. Where's your next class?" She asked, moving down the corridor.

"History of Magic." Snape muttered, walking beside her awkwardly.

"Oh, I've got Transfiguration. It's right on the way. What made it so boring, anyway?"

"Eh? Oh… I just…read the entire time…" He replied.

"You read for three weeks straight?" She asked in disbelief, starting to ascend the stair case to the third floor. "About what?"

"Advanced forms of magic, actually…" He tried not to sound like he was bragging, "Have you heard of Legilimency?" Snape asked, feeling suddenly in his element. Lily shook her head, but looked interested. "Oh… I suppose it something like… what Muggles call 'mind reading', but rather different. It allows you to purge and search the memories of others. It can be quite useful if you want to see if someone's lying or not." Lily looked awestruck.

"You… can read peoples minds?" She asked in hushed voice. "Scary… Is it very difficult, then?"

"Somewhat… finding specific memories is quite trying, but once you've got the hang of it-"

"Can you teach me how to do it?" She asked, suddenly breathless. Snape considered it momentarily.

"Yes, I suppose…" He nodded, a stir of excitement buzzing in his mind.

"Oooh, that's fantastic!" She said smiling, "Let's go!" She grabbed Snape by the wrist and suddenly veered off course.

"Right now?" Snape was jarred as she pulled him along. "But what about class?"

"I'm nearly sixteen years old and I've never cut class. Might as well do it once, eh?" She ran down the hall and through the corridor. As they ran through the corridors Snape was aware of some students watching and pointing at them. They went through a door and into a deserted stone hallway. Lily opened a door to their right and craned her neck inside. "It's empty, come on…" She gestured, stepping inside. Inside it was incredibly dusty and dark. Shades blocked lights from the windows and a stack of old desks was pushed against the back wall. An old desk was falling apart beside a filthy old chalkboard.

"Wow… this place is ancient…" Lily speculated. She stepped lightly over to the old desk and cleaned it with a wave of her wand. She took a seat on top of it and crossed her legs, looking very lady-like. "Ready?" She asked, looking as expectant as a child on it's birthday. Snape nodded a bit, wondering where to begin.

"Well, like I said… It's looking into the memories of another person… So at first… you never really know what'll happen." He explained.

"Can you show me?" Lily requested. Snape looked at her curiously.

"You want me to show you how it works? But, I wouldn't want to invade your thoughts or anything…" He traced his lips nervously.

"It's all right, I give you permission." She said, not sounding bothered in the slightest.

"Well, if that's what you want… You had better brace yourself…" He warned, taking a step back and produced his wand. He smiled at bit… He was alone in an abandoned classroom with the most beautiful girl in school, while class was going on elsewhere. James Potter would've given all the galleons in Gringotts to be where he was right now. Lily took a breath and nodded, her hair sweeping the side of her face gracefully.

"I'm ready…" He voice was confident. Snape took a breath and readied his wand.

"_Legilimens_!" He uttered, focusing his mind with great ease. At once her memories came pouring into his head like photographs from an old album fluttering in the air before him.

A young Lily pranced about in a satin pink dress at a party… A bony faced girl with a fearful look in her eyes and Lily stood arguing with one another… A group of girls at a Muggle school ran from Lily screaming, their faces covered in green boils… Lily sat waiting in a Muggle hospital, her eyes moist…. Lily dove courageously into a frozen lake, wand in hand…

Severus heard Lily whimper and he was immediately was driven out of her mind. The cloudy memories faded from his mind and his eyes were flooded with a sight of the present-day Lily stood, looking pale and shaken, her back against the filthy chalk board.

"Lily! Are you all right?" Severus rushed to her side, putting a hand onto her shoulder. When she looked up at him fear and exhilaration swum in her eyes.

"I-I'm fine… that was… crazy… Could you see everything that I saw?" Her voice quivered a bit as Snape nodded. She breathed a nervous but passionate sigh. "That felt so weird…" Severus laughed a bit at her words.

"I warned you…" He told her earnestly. She looked at him with a sheepish glance suddenly and giggled a bit tensely.

"Erm… would you mind if I tried it…?" Snape was suddenly taken aback.

"Oh… well, if you can pull it off… I don't… mind so much…" He felt extremely anxious at the thought, but didn't want to deny her. "Just focus your mind… like an arrow and let the memories come to you… if you try to reject it, it'll stop…"

"Ok." She breathed, grasping her wand. "It's '_Legilimens_', right? Um, All righty… _Legilimens_!" Nothing happened at first. Snape felt a sort of buzzing in his head but that was all.

"Focus…" He assured her, "Concentrate and it'll be simple…"

"_Legilimens_!" She tried again. Snape's mind went white for a moment, but he regained his footing immediately.

"Oh… I think I'm blocking you out…" He admitted with a smirk. "Try once more…" With an extremely determined look, Lily lifted her wand.

"_LEGILIMENS_!" She shouted with force. Snape relaxed and let her penetrate his guard.

…He was a small boy reaching for the hands of his mother, she didn't notice him… He was six years old, lying on the ground of his home, clutching his bleeding arm and weeping… His mother was wrenching open the door behind him… He was eleven watching a dying bird wriggle in the grass outside his home… He was at Hogwarts being held by Sirius Black as James Potter cursed him over and over…. Snape sat on the ground, clutching his bleeding mouth… James Potter's voice echoed in his ears like an eerie recording…'Lily could never love you. Never. You know why? Because you're a cruel, hideous-'

Snape shouted and immediately shut his mind off, shaking with shame. He shut his eyes, trying to purge the memory from his being…

"S-severus?" Lily spoke up nervously. The air was extremely thick. Severus opened an eye and looked over at her. It was blatant and out in the open now… there was nothing he could do… He wondered how she might react, feeling as if he could never look her straight in the face again. She looked wary, but hopped lithely down from her perch and floated straight over to where he stood. Her expression was distressed and sorrowful. Snape swallowed nervously; she was extremely close. "Was James the one… who… beat you up that one night…?" She began warily. Severus nodded, staring into her eyes as if under a spell. He felt her fingers weave into his.

"That was very wrong of him…He shouldn't have… said the things to you." Severus could see the bands and freckles in her eyes, he could feel her soft breath. "Please let me apologize…for… everything he's ever done to you… on my behalf…"

_This can't be happening… this isn't happening…_ Why was she so close?

"He was wrong, you know..."

He could feel her warm body pressing against his. His hands were like white spiders whose legs were tangled with hers delicate fingers. Lily closed her eyes and gently leaned in. Shaking madly, Snape too closed his eyes and leaned towards her. A deafening crash from the opposite end of the classroom jolted the two apart. They both jerked their heads in the direction of the door and saw Cleo standing in it, light from the corridor pouring in behind her.

"I thought I saw you skulking around here… but really… Snogging during class? That isn't like you at all. She crossed her arms and looked at him with a crooked grin. Snape, trembling, shot a nervous glance at Lily, then to Cleo. He could stand it no longer. Sweeping from the room while looking daggers at Cleo, he shot down the hall and back into the school. Lily stared stunned at Cleo.

"Who… are you?" She sounded angry and disappointed.

"A friend of Severus." She waved her hand and eased up to Lily. "We've got… quite a history together, actually… Although I must say, I didn't know he had a girlfriend." She raised an eyebrow, sounding vaguely interested.

"Oh, I'm not really… his girlfriend or anything, actually." Lily looked shy and clasped her hand together behind her back.

"No? Really?" She looked quiet surprised. "Because… that's what everyone's been saying, you know… Nasty rumors, you know… If I were you I'd set about…" Cleo put an arm around Lily and she felt a prick of pain from the top of her head. "…Quashing them…" She finished softly. Lily looked slightly alarmed and uncomfortable.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Lily asked dubiously. Cleo shrugged.

"Nothing really. All I'm saying is that you're giving people the wrong idea… you're giving _him_ the wrong idea…" She shot Lily a dark look. Lily moved away from Cleo, backing up slowly. "I mean, it's not really kind to lead him on like that…"

"Lead…. Lead him on!?" Lily squawked, "What do you take me for? I'd never do that!" Cleo laughed openly, her mouth curling up at the ends.

"Don't be silly… I wasn't accusing you of anything…" She purred. "Look, what I mean is… He's a very lonely person, you know… he'd take your pity as something much… much different…" Cleo said delicately, flexing her fingers.

"Stop beating around the bush and get to your point." Lily challenged, her cheeks puffing out slightly. Cleo's demeanor changed noticeable and she stood up very straight.

"I mean that bloody dolt fancies you and you should back off before you break his innocent little heart…" Cleo hissed, glaring at Lily.

"I think the only one with a wrong idea around here is you!" Lily retorted, looking ruffled but fearsome. "Don't think just because he's not as confident as everyone else that no one could… could be attracted to him!" As soon as Lily stopped speaking, Cleo pounced.

"So you admit it!" Her eyes were wild. "You're _actually _in love with that overgrown bat?"

"Of course I am!" Lily yelled in her face with rebellious pride. "Not that you could ever comprehend the concept of caring for someone besides yourself!" Cleo circled her, a grin on her face.

"You don't even know me, sister." She breathed, totally unabashed. "And you don't know Snape either… I don't know what he's been telling you but he's been mixed up in things that'd make a goody-two-shoes chick like yourself wet her pants. Back off now or you'll be sorry…" Cleo warned, bristling. Lily puffed herself up in anger.

"I've had just about enough of you!" Lily moved towards the doorway and balled her fists up. "You stay away from me or I'll show you just how scary a goody-two-shoes can get, you hear me!?"

"All too well, Miss Lily…" She grinned maliciously, shrouded in the darkness of the classroom. Lily shot her one final glare and pounded away down the hall. Cleo glanced over at the spot where she'd seen Snape and Lily had been minutes ago. "Well, I guess it's to come to this, then…"

Severus sat in the common room, lost in thought. The day's events had more than overwhelmed him. He was still having trouble believing what had almost happened between himself and Lily. This turn of events was making him ponder deeply about his future actions. Was she still just pitying him? Or did she have genuine feelings for him? As much as he wanted to believe the latter, he couldn't grasp why it would be true. But then why would she execute such alluring actions? The dilemma was more than just a bit vexing. Snape felt someone slide in beside him and once again the sight of Cleo's crooked but attractive grin met his eyes. He frowned at her immediately.

"What are you doing here? Haven't you caused enough trouble today, girl?" He spat her.

"Not nearly enough, no." She smiled, she put a thin white hand onto his leg and looked at him directly. "What were you two doing, anyway?"

"You were always one for subtlety, Cleo. It was nothing that even remotely concerns you…" She gave him a doleful look and her eyes widened.

"But… it does…" She suddenly sounded so sorrowful. "I don't want you to end up with a Mudblood like her… or anyone else for that matter…." She whined. Severus turned to face her, she looked hopeful and anxious. He lowered his eyebrows and leaned away from her.

"What are you trying to say?" He said, sounding guarded.

"You know exactly what I mean." She moved in closer. "Listen, Severus… She's a Gryffindor… She's a Muggle-Born… She's doesn't have any idea of what it's like to have lives like ours… You two… well, you're just not suited for each other. But you and I… We could go places… With your talent and my cunning… We could bring the new age in…" She grasped his hand and put her lips near to his ear. "…Together…" For a split second Severus was more than tempted to take her up on that offer. He pushed back and looked at her delicate pale face and the sleek dark hair that bordered it. She smiled at him alluringly.

He knew she was right. He knew that he and Lily were worlds apart… but he still loved her so… He gazed unsurely into Cleo's face, not knowing what to say.

"What do you say… Severus?"

Snape looked at her soberly. At once an idea overcame him. He searched through he robes and found the handle of his wand and murmured an incantation, still gazing into her eyes. He pierced her mind and feelings, searching swiftly for what he needed to see. She struggled against him, but Snape grasped her wrists and held her tightly, not letting her escape. As if discovering a key in murky water, Snape uncovered the section of her mind he wanted to penetrate.

"What are you doing to me?" She said in a strangled, terrified voice. When he confirmed his suspicions he withdrew his enchantment and released her wrists. She immediately drew away from him, tearful and trembling. Snape smiled at her bitterly.

"Liar." He said with cold seriousness. "You don't even like me at all. You're a foul temptress." Snape got to his feet, towering above Cleo's shivering form. She looked paralyzed with fear, her usually calm complexion contorted in terror. Snape gave a quick glance around to make sure there were no prying eyes watching the two of them, then rounded on Cleo, grasping her shoulders with a powerful force. "But since you were so kind enough to offer, I have half a mind to _take what I want_." He hissed in her ear.

"N-no! P-please!" She squirmed, looking pathetic and remorseful. Snape gave her an icy grin. His scare tactics were working perfectly.

"Then maybe you should stay out of my business… entirely…" She nodded vigorously. "You wouldn't want me to loose patience with you, would you?" Her nods jerked into shakes. Snape smiled genially and released her briskly. "Excellent." He slithered away from her, smiling. She quickly darted out of his range, looking violated. Meandering away from him, she gritted her teeth, but spoke almost inaudibly.

"You'll pay for that, you slimy little serpent…"

Snape moved with purpose down the hall. He had had stayed up all night, thinking of the perfect words. It was time. He knew that all to well. He grasped a piece of paper between his pale fingers. The words folded neatly into the piece of paper had been revised time and again but no matter what combination he tried, they never seemed to sound perfect, but he was convinced that this was as good as it could get. He stepped through the double doors of the library and scanned the tables. Students from all he houses sat studying at the tables, some perusing the shelves or whispering with their friends in the corners. Then he saw her. In the center of the room, working studiously at a table by herself was Lily. Snape drew closer to her, quieter than spider waiting in it's web. He stood before her, not wanting to disturbed her in anyway. Lily Evans was totally immersed in a charms book. She could be heard muttering to herself every so often as she hastily scribbled something down on her parchment. Steadying his nerve, Snape slid the folded parchment in her direction. By the time her eyes caught notice of the paper, Snape had already turned to leave. Lily caught sight of his black robes disappearing behind the library. Perplexed, she slid the parchment off of the table and unfolded it. Her heart began to beat faster as she read the words on it.

"Lily, I've found that charms book you wanted. Misplaced as usual- What's that you've got there?" Lily's friend Alice bustled out from behind the bookshelf and laid her charms book down on the table Lily was working at. Without stopping to explain what was happening, Lily looked direly at Alice.

"Alice…This is it…He's finally asked me to make a decision about... about us..! Oh, I'm so nervous!" Lily breathed. Alice's face glowed in excitement.

"Oooh, James Potter!? Oh, Lily, I'm so happy for you!" Alice chorused.

"James? No, Severus." Lily said vaguely.

"Severus Snape?" Alice grimaced, looking utterly counfused and taken aback.

"Oh, Alice…. Should I go right now? Or-- or should I wait?" Lily's voice shook. Alice looked slightly abashed, but smiled genially.

"I'd… er… wait on that one…" She said nodding and patting Lily's shoulder, trying to sound polite as possible.

"You're right… I'll wait… ooh, I just can't think straight… I've got to go… to class or something, don't I… Yes, yes…" She muttered distractedly, picking up a Hufflepuff boy's homework assignment and stowing it in her bag unknowingly. She scurried out of the library, still talking to herself. Alice sat, scratching her head. She turned and saw a Slytherin girl with very neat, dark hair smiling at her.

"Acting a bit odd, isn't she?" Alice said amiably.

"Quite…" Said the girl, drifting away from the scene. She sped out of the library and looked about for her friend. Bellatrix and Narcissa rushed to meet her as soon as she wandered into the hallway. The formed a quick huddle.

"I'm doing it tonight, girls. Keep Evans away from Snape at all costs. Understood?" Narcissa nodded grimly, her white-blonde hair glinting with a beautiful luster. Bellatrix, however, looked quite distracted.

"What do you think you're looking at, Potter?" She spat down the hall. The other two girls turned to see James Potter halfway through the door to the library. He shrugged and continued on his way.

"Blood traitor…" Narcissa drawled at his retreating form.

"Don't worry, Cissy. Their times will come, one by one. However, tonight we have other lives to ruin… Come on, let's go."


	7. Your Voice

Note: Welp, sorry to break yer hearts, but this be the last chapter. I know no one's gonna like it, but this is the way it would have ended plausibly. Now, I really want to write (And have sort of begun) an alternate ending that finishes one a much nicer note. If anyone reading this would like to see that, please leave me a review saying so, and I think I'll go through with it :D Enjoy!

Chapter 7 - Ending 1

_You used to captivate me by your resonating light_

_Now I'm bound by the life you left behind_

_Your face it haunts my once pleasant dreams_

_Your voice it chased away_

_All the sanity in me_

Lily Evans sat in the Gryffindor common. A book was open on her lap and a half finished essay in front of her. Her quill was dripping a steady flowing of ink onto her paper, but she didn't notice in the slightest. Inside her mind a thousand questions and worries flowed by at speedy intervals. When James Potter touched her on the shoulder, she jumped, spilling ink all over her front.

"Oh no!" She frowned. James smiled at her apologetically.

"Sorry, Evans. Let me get that for you." With a flick of his wand the black ink stains faded away.

"Thanks, Potter." She said gratefully, "All right, then?"

"Yeah, I'm always fine, you know me…" He said huskily. "Look, I was just wondering… I overheard some people talking today… and I was just wondering if… anything was going on between you and Sniv-- I mean, Snape."

Two things went on in Lily's mind at once. Along with feeling embarrassed and perturbed, a strange sense of importance swept over her. She suddenly felt as if this moment would be very important to her life, somehow. With this disquieting sense, she considered two responses in her mind. Looking up into James' face she suddenly knew exactly what to say.

The cruelty and torment that James had plagued Severus with was just too much. In that one instant Lily decided that she didn't want to share anything of her personal issues with him at all. She especially didn't want him going off to beat on poor Severus because of her decision. She gave him an aloof look and turned to her book.

"I don't know who's been saying that or why, but maybe they should mind their business instead of making up mean rumors about people they don't even know. That goes for you too." She ended snappishly. James looked taken aback, but recovered quickly, rumpling his hair playfully.

"Well, then… if nothing's going on between you can Snape, can something be going on between you and me?" He flashed his most roguish smile. Lily looked at him shortly and leaned in close.

"Sure…" She said in a sultry voice. James looked as if Christmas had come early. "How about we start with me storming off and never speaking to you again?" James' expression darkened. She snapped her book shut and made towards the girl's dormitories. James called after her.

"It's only a matter of time, Evans! You won't be able to resist me for long!" He called after her. A chorus of giggles erupted from the girls who were watching the scene. James turned in their direction and lifted up his pinky. "I've got her wrapped around my finger…"

Meanwhile, halfway across the school Snape was exiting the Astronomy classroom, looking haggard. Tired and worried, he decided to turn in early this evening. As he begun to descend the staircase that led to the main hall of the school, he heard a voice purr out of the shadows.

"Severus…" He turned to see Lily leaning alluringly against the wall, her hair twisted around her index finger suggestively. Snape nearly dropped his telescope in his alarm.

"Oh… hello Lily." He cleared his throat. "Did…er…did you get my message?" He asked. She stepped in his direction, her skirt twitching from side to side as she moved. She nodded, grabbed his arm and pulled him round the circular tower to the observation deck. Mouth dry and heart beating fast, he let her drag him into the cool and blustery night.

Outside the stars were blazing above head and the trees ringing Hogwarts were alive and dancing in the wind. The silvery moon was reflected on the surface of the lake and the world below was still. Lily went and rested her elbows on the stone railing. Severus thought he'd better say something.

"So, er-"

"I've thought a lot about what you asked of me, Snape…" She interrupted. Her hair billowed in the gentle breeze. She turned to look at him, green eyes ablaze even in the twilight.

"You have?" He pressed on apprehensively.

"And first…. I have to apologize to you, honestly…" Cold fear gripped Snape's throat. _Oh no…oh please, no…_ "I didn't mean to give you the wrong idea, I really didn't." Lily's voice had a slight whine in it. Snape shook his head, looking for something to hang on to. "I thought you knew the reason I was trying to befriend you…" He looked up at her, his eyes scared.

"It was really… only pity." Snape felt as if the world around him was being torn to bits. He felt as if the very walls around him were imploding, crashing down upon the ground, crushing ever soul beneath them. Her words sounded distant and unreal. "I mean, I don't want to be rude, but honestly. Don't you think you were being a bit presumptuous? I'm Lily Evans! I can have any boy in the school, what makes you think I'd settle for… someone like you?" Her tone was scathing as if she were scolding him. Snape's throat began to burned and it took all the effort inside of him to keep from sinking to his knees in despair. "I'm sorry, but don't you realize how ugly you really are? Maybe you should think about that next time you put a respected lady in an embarrassing situation, hm?" She walked automatically towards the door. Snape's shaking legs gave out for under him.

_Oh God… no… please don't let this happen… please…_

Lily walked beside where Snape kneeled, tears streaming from his eyes. She put a dainty white finger on his chin and forced him to face her. He looked back up at her, looking utterly wounded and broken with his mouth hanging open and tears staining his chalk white face. She gave him a half-hearted grin as she let her emerald eyes pierce his dark ones. Without the slightest bit of self-control Snape reached out for her.

"Lily, please!" She howled. She drew back with out warning and slapped his face forcefully. She grabbed the front of his robes and looked into his face, seething.

"Don't you ever touch me." She snapped. Remorseless, she threw him to the ground nonchalantly, then continued on her way, stroking her hair into place. Snape lay on the cold stone, his face stinging and his heart aching. A great and terrible numbness seemed to devour him from the inside out.

_You knew this would happen… How could you have been so stupid?_

As he sat with his back against the jagged stone wall, he was sure that a large, gaping hole had been carved into his chest. The world was becoming a black pit of tortuous agony. A great pounding and grinding of metal and bone ripped at Snape's ears. He could hear himself weeping, but it seemed so far off and unreal.

Howling in despair he snatched his wand from his pocket. And jabbed it against his own neck. Her encouraging life-saving words from before were all a dirty lie.

"You lying bitch! You filthy whore!" He screamed, "_Avada Kedavra, Avada Kedavra, AVADA KEDAVRA!_" Snape cried over and over. It wouldn't work. No flash of green life would rise forth and end his sorrow. No emancipating glow could come and wipe his life away like a smudge of ash on sheet of paper. Lip quivering, he couldn't think of what do next. He got up, head pounding and eyes still streaming. He bolted down the stairs as fast as he could. The world was spinning cruelly, mocking his pain. As he ran down stairs and corridors he begged the powers that be for one last sanctum.

_Just hide me away… plunge me into darkness… Let me escape from this terrible place for but a moment… Give me a place to hide away…_

At once the spinning and churning halls stood still and a smooth black door was right in Snape's path. Hurtling towards it with all his might he threw himself inside and shut the door safely behind him.

Darkness…

Quiet…

Stillness…

Everything stood frozen. Snape closed his eyes, feeling as if he were miles and fathoms away from everything. He let the darkness soak into him, shedding the constant pressures and sorrows of the world beyond the darkness.

_I will stay here… until… I can bear to breathe again…I will sit in this cold blackness until every shred of you has been burned away from me…_

The flames were gone forever.

It was two days before O.W.L.S and there as still no sign of Snape, who'd been missing for three days. Lily had asked every Slytherin if they'd seen him lately, but not a one knew where he was, even after their stream of insults and jeers had ended.. Lily was sincerely worried about him, day after day her mind concocting insane explanations for his disappeared. On the evening of the third day she was at her wits end. Bucking up her courage, she decided to confront James. She marched right up to him while him and his usual crowd were studying intensely for their upcoming tests.

"James Potter." She called for his attention brusquely. He looked up immediately at the sound of her voice.

"Evans! You're looking especially lovely this evening, did you know?" He said, rumpling his hair nervously. She gave him a scathing look.

"You wouldn't have anything to do with Snape's disappearance, would you?" She snapped, her eyes narrow slits.

"I swear on my heart of gold, no harm from mine hands didst befall him." He said nobly with a bow. She scoffed at him and moved away from him, feet leading her away from the common room and through the portrait hole. She knew she ought to be studying, but she simply couldn't concentrate. Something was definitely wrong, she could feel it. Drifting aimlessly through the halls of the school, Lily prayed that she could find someway of knowing where Severus had gone… She found her way to the center of the school and stood outside of the library, hopeless.

"Where are you Severus…" She whispered hopelessly.

"Looking for something?" Said a cold voice emanating from down the corridor. She turned, heart pumping to see Snape himself staggering towards her from out of the gloom. She broke into a relieved smile.

"Oh, Severus! You're back! I've been so worried! Oh, gosh… What happened to you? Are you all right?" His face was pallid and emaciated and he was shooting her a look of pure hatred. "Severus?"

"You've got it all wrong, Evans. It's _Snivellus_, remember?" He sneered at her, his lip curling.

"What? I'd... never call you that, what are you talking about?" She rushed towards him and he pushed her aside roughly. "What's gotten into you, Severus?" She looked terror struck.

"Nothing that would concern someone of your standing, I'm sure. The feelings of us lesser mortals shouldn't bother the great Lily Evans." He tried to escape from her, but she followed him, confused and hurt looking.

"What's wrong, I don't understand." She pleaded, dashing to keep up with him.

"Go away and leave me alone. Haven't you done enough damage, already?" He roared at her, refusing to look her in the eye. Lily stopped and gained a fearsome look.

"Now you just tight there. You have no right to treat me like this without an explanation. This kind of behavior is hurting me, Severus!" Snape stopped in his tracks and stood dangerously still. He turned slowly, wearing his ugliest sneer. The two stared at each other for one long moment.

"Hurting you…?" He breathed low and venomously, like the rattle of a poisonous snake. He rushed at her lightening quick. He thrust her to the wall violently and pinned her there by her wrists. She screamed as he pressed her hands painfully in to the wall.

"Stop! What's wrong with you?" She shrieked, looking at him for the first time with fearful eyes. She looked like a frightened animal about to meet it's demise. Her vulnerability thrilled him.

"I'm hurting you?" He heaved hatefully, pressing her wrists forcefully against the stone wall of the corridor. She winced in pain and shrunk back from him. "How DARE you!?" He laughed wheezing, in a way that reminded him terrifyingly of his father. "Me hurt you? _YOU TORE ME APART_!" He shouted into her ear. He didn't care who saw them or what happened. It was only them in a silent world and he was going to have his say. "You cunning little whore. You lead me on! You knew I'd fall for you, didn't you? You knew it'd be an easy task, didn't you? I'll admit, you really had me going. So who was in on the joke? Potter? Black? A bet you all had a good laugh, didn't you?" He snarled. Lily was weeping.

"S-severus… I d-don't know what you're t-talking about… I could never do any of those things to you…" Suddenly Snape felt his anger ebb away into strong revulsion for himself. A powerful shot of depression coursed through his veins like poison. He looked at her, into her beautiful, tear swollen eyes, her rosy, quivering lips. He released her and backed away, hardly daring to breath. _What have I done?_ "Severus… please… I love you… I honestly do… Please believe me… I beg you… Say you believe me…" She plodded towards him, her body uncoordinated with tremors. Snape looked at her, negativity soaking his mind. How he wanted to say he believed, how he ached to hold her in his arms and beg for her forgiveness. But it was too late. What she had done had cut too deeply. He was beyond repair.

"I'm a different man than I was before, Lily. I loved you more than anyone in the world and you crushed me… I don't know why you… changed your mind all of a sudden… but the person you knew is dead… I'm just all that's left…" Lily collapsed on Snape, gripping him tightly and sobbing wildly.

"Please don't say that! Please, Severus… Please believe me… Say that you believe me! I'll d-do anything…!" She gulped, throwing her entire weight onto his body. Aching inside and out, Snape put his arms around her, enveloping her in his voluminous black cloak. They sunk to the floor together, Lily shivering violently. Snape looked into her face, feeling every bit of pain that ate away at Lily. Her eyes were ringed with red and her hair was lank a lifeless.

"You want me to believe?" He laughed humorlessly. "I believed once… I believed my most desperate desire could become a reality… I believed for one beautiful moment that someone could… actually love me… I believed it, and because of that I've been burned away… I can't believe in anything… ever again…" He whispered, releasing her from his grip. He got shakily to his feet and walked down the dark corridor, leaving Lily kneeling in the middle of the hallway, howling at the ceiling.

Lily Evans sat glumly in front of the fire in the Gryffindor common room. It was hard for her to see anything straightly. She knew exams were halfway over, but she could barely think of who she was or why she was sitting there looking so defeated. Half the time she was very aware of what was happening, but the other half she could barely stand being in the reality she was trapped in. She found it hard to believe the light fluttering of her heart had been shredded to a dull and lifeless pounding in her chest. She still had no idea why Severus had suddenly begun hating her, but her distant emotion and her recent failed attempt at reconciliation had crushed her even deeper into the ashes of her despair.

"Lily?" Said a kind voice to her left. Feeling as if she were underwater, she saw the mild and pale face of Remus Lupin back at her, smiling feebly. "You don't look so well." He sat down in the chair beside her.

"I don't feel so well…" She admitted, her own voice sounding foreign to her. Remus' eyebrows lowered a bit.

"Was it because of what Snape said today after the exams?" He guessed lightly. Lily looked at him, hearing the vicious tones of the boy she was once in love with echoing in her head.

_I don't need help from filthy little Mudbloods like her!_

Her own cool voice replayed automatically.

_Fine. I won't bother in the future…_Snivellus_…_

How she could've said those things, she wasn't sure. She only knew that the happiness that had once lived inside her, like a song, was dead. She looked darkly at Remus.

"James was right about him all along." She croaked, her own words weighting down her soul.

"Lily… Don't let it bother you… Look, I know James can be a real jerk sometimes, but he's not a bad person…" Remus started delicately.

"I know, I know…" Lily agreed peering over to where James sat across the common room. He was sulking miserably in the corner, toying with a golden snitch dejectedly.

"He'd never say so, but he's really upset over what you said…won't you maybe… give him another chance…?" Remus pleaded. His strong love of his friends touched Lily and gave her the first warm feelings in days. She smiled at Remus.

"I'm not making any promises, but I'll try." She said soberly. James was starting to look different to her. No longer was he the attention seeking bully. He was the warrior that had tried to protect from the cruelty of people like…like Snape… Getting up from her chair, she drifting over to James, feeling slightly ill. He sat up stiffly as he saw her coming over.

"A-all right Evans?" His voice was unsure. Lily smiled a bit dolefully.

"All right, Potter." There was a short moment before she spoke again. "Look, I'm sorry about what I said earlier. I'm just stressed… exams, you know?" James' face cracked into a wide grin.

"It's not big deal… I wasn't, you know, worried over it or anything, though." He said with confidence. Lily returned the smile and extended a hand to him.

"Friends?"

"Friends!"

"Today's the day, friends…" Lucius Malfoy drawled to the ring around him. "Today is the day that we leave these hallowed halls of Hogwarts for good and make our way into the world." The seventh year Slytherins crowding round Lucius smiled and looked into each other's faces. "For seven long years we've worked studiously besides Muggle-born filth, we've endured being put on equal ground with Mudbloods and Blood traitors. But now we enter a new age…" He discreetly slide back the robes that hid the dark mark which had been burned on his skin. "We are becoming part of the faction that will prove once and for all who runs our wizarding community…" Bellatrix, Narcissa, Cleo, Avery, Nott and Snape stood around him, all nodding in silent agreement.

It had been two long years since the fateful day Snape had drove Lily from his side for good. No longer did his heart ache with pain, but rather a cold iciness had settled upon his heart. He felt nothing. Nothing at all.

He was moving on to join the Death Eaters and remove the ones that soiled this world with their cruel mocking. The group of Death Eaters to be broke apart slowly. As Snape moved to grab his things he noticed Cleo was looking at him.

"What?" He drawled emotionlessly. She shook her head and gave him a nostalgic look.

"I was just thinking how much more adult you looked. How you grew from that little weed into the man you are today." She said simply. Snape could tell she wasn't lying.

"Glad to see someone's tracking my progress." He replied sarcastically. "Although, I have you to thank for that, don't I, Cleo?"

"Damn right you do." She scoffed, pushing he smooth hair languidly from her eyes. "Know where you'd be without me?" She started as if setting up a hilarious.

"Where?" Snape decided to humor her, though grudgingly.

"At the beckon and call of a Mudblood Princess." She said pointedly. "And that's a fact." Snapped snorted at her.

"What would you know about what happened?" He asked her, none too concerned. She stopped. An uncomfortable silence bloomed between the two. Snape looked back at her directly. Her face showed signs of mild discomfort.

"You haven't realized it was me, have you?" Her voice was stony.

"What are you talking about?" Snape pressed waspishly.

"That night on the astronomy tower. That was me." She stared at him, unblinking.

"What? That's impossible. How could you have known about that?" Snape breathed. A subtle emotion stirred in him. It was more than he'd felt in two years.

"Snape, I had to… You knew too much… You were acting like a crazy person… hounding… a Mudblood…" Cleo retreated.

"What in the world are you saying…" And suddenly it made all to much sense. It made painfully too much sense. He looked at her, not able to even feel angry at her. "My Polyjuice potion…" He felt as if he'd been turned to stone. Cleo nodded feebly. Snape felt a swarm of guilt and wrong striking him like a thousand bee-stings. His head was whirling… maybe it wasn't… too late to apologize… He looked up at Cleo, his eyes full of purpose. He ran into the dormitory and frantically found a sheaf of parchment. Wrenching his quill and ink from the drawer beside him, he began scribble furiously. Fifteen minutes later he folded the paper unceremoniously and shoved it into an envelope.

It wasn't too late… He could still catch her. Flashes of where he was headed appeared before his eyes. Through the dungeons and up the stairs into the entrance hall.

_Where is she!? She's got to be around somewhere!_

Snape wheeled around the hall, looking for the slender form of Lily Evans anywhere. He saw Lupin, Black and Pettigrew amongst the crowd. Potter and Evans couldn't be far behind. At last he saw them in the doorway, ringed by a halo of light from the outdoors. James had his arms around Lily's slender waist and she was staring adoringly up into his face, stroking his hair. Snape wished he could speak to her alone, but there was no other way. Time was running short.

"Lily!" He shouted at her. Her named hadn't been on his lips for so very long. It sounded like a forgotten song. She looked in is direction, an aloof expression on her face. James frowned at Severus as he approached panting. "Lily… I…" He began, feeling totally out of place with James and Sirius eyeing him warily. She no longer wore the kind expression she graced him with years before. Her face was blank. Expressionless.

"Listen, Lily… I… just…realized…"

"What are you doing, Snape? Don't think you can just come and talk to her like you're friends or something…" Potter growled.

"No, you don't understand… I need to apologize to you, Evans." Snape started. Lily looked unfazed. "Look, take this. Please read it… please." Lily looked at his envelope briefly, then shook her head gracefully.

"Sorry Severus…" She whispered. James, an arm around her shoulders, wheeled her away, giving Snape a dirty look. Snape watched in disbelief as Lily slowly walked away.

"Lily… I…" He stopped, direly wanting to turn time back. "Lily,_ I believe you_!!" He shouted with all his might, wondering whether it would mean anything at all to her. Surprisingly, she turned and gave him one long, surprised look before she stepped out of the door and out of Severus Snape's life.

He could see his own eyes reflected in the window pane. Outside the world was dismal and dark, dripping wet with the wretched and uncouth rains. They were indeed the same eyes. With light and delicate movements, Snape picked the envelope from the ground. With trembling fingers, he extracted to paper from it's resting place and read his own writing with a dull sense of illness.

_Lily Evans,_

_You gave me a moment of quiet in my life of torment. Without you I would surely have lost my life to my own foolishness. I loved you more deeply than anyone I ever had the luck to meet, and yet I threw your affections aside without thinking… and I did so because of a foolish misunderstanding. If I had the chance to live my life again, I want you to know I would've acted different._

_I can't blame you if you hate me…. I hate myself when I think of what I did to you… I simply want to apologize, if that means anything to you. I never deserved to speak your name, and yet you gifted me the greatest happiness in this green world. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I want to let you know that I loved you truly… and that I will love you until the day I die…_

_Goodbye,_

_Severus Snape_

Snape crushed the letter in his hand. She would never read it. She could not where she had gone. She walked on the other side of the dark waters. She was dead. Dead at Severus Snape's own hands. And all he would ever have to prove that she once walked, that she once laughed and lived…The only proof of her existence was a simple moment of quiet.


	8. After Time

Note: Here's the happy ending!! Yay! It's a sweet way to end it, even though it's SO not cannon.

Chapter 7 -- Ending 2

Lily Evans sat in the Gryffindor common. A book was open on her lap and a half finished essay in front of her. Her quill was dripping a steady flowing of ink onto her paper, but she didn't notice in the slightest. Inside her mind a thousand questions and worries flowed by at speedy intervals. When James Potter touched her on the shoulder, she jumped, spilling ink all over her front.

"Oh no!" She frowned. James smiled at her apologetically.

"Sorry, Evans. Let me get that for you." With a flick of his wand the black ink stains faded away.

"Thanks, Potter." She said gratefully, "All right, then?"

"Yeah, I'm always fine, you know me…" He said huskily. "Look, I was just wondering… I overheard some people talking today… and I was just wondering if… anything was going on between you and Sniv-- I mean, Snape."

Two things went on in Lily's mind at once. Along with feeling embarrassed and perturbed, a strange sense of importance swept over her. She suddenly felt as if this moment would be very important to her life, somehow. With this disquieting sense, she considered two responses in her mind. Looking up into James' face she suddenly knew exactly what to say.

She knew James could be arrogant and downright mean at times, but the look on his face showed that he meant to help. Taking his actions as a sign of kindness Lily decided to give what he had to say a chance. After all, even if he was just blowing smoke, all she'd have to do was turn the other way. She decided to confide in him.

"There might be, now that you mention it… what's it to you?" She politely posed. James sat down beside her in his own chair and looked at her with seriousness, as if considering something. When finally spoke it was with precision.

"Look, I don't know much… All I heard was some people… some Slytherin girls… They were talking about keeping you and that… and Snape apart tonight. I'm not sure what's going on, but it seemed like they were planning something." James said with grim finality. One look at his face and Lily was sure he wasn't lying. A dull urgency began to swim in her chest. She suddenly felt as if she needed to run and find Severus at once and she got to her feet, her worry showing on her face. She was about to thank James for the information and hurry off, but he stood fast in front of her.

"Evans, stop. Wait for a second." His face was extremely serious. "I told you this not because I approve of your… of whatever's happening between you two. You know I don't. I hate Snape and I couldn't care less what happens to him. It's you I'm worried about. I told you this because I didn't want you to end up in a bad situation, so rushing off into something potentially dangerous isn't a great way to thank me." Lily stared him down.

"James, I really appreciate you doing this for me, but I have to go… I feel like something's wrong…I feel like-"

"Evans, please listen! They're Slytherins! You don't even know what horrors they are capable of! If you cross their paths, you could end up dead or worse. I want you to be happy, but I can't let you get hurt either." James grabbed Lily's shoulders and held her steady. She looked him deeply in the eyes.

"James, I love him. Please, let me go." The way he looked at her was almost too much to bear. He swallowed nervously, his hazel eyes studying her face. She felt a shock of humiliation and raw guilt to see that they were moist.

"But… Lily… I love _you_. Doesn't that… mean anything to you? Can't I change your mind?" He spoke with such heartbreaking truth Lily felt her throat tighten and a familiar burning sense in her eyes. She grabbed his hands and looked at them.

"It means… more than you can imagine… but… My mind is made up. I have to go… He needs me… Nobody else in the whole world will try and help him. I've got to go. Please understand, James." She held her tears fast. "Please."

Slowly but surely James released Lily's hands and let them swing back to her sides. The two looked into each others eyes for a moment longer and then Lily scurried through the portrait hole and out into the school, leaving James standing by himself.

Meanwhile, halfway across the school Snape was exiting the Astronomy classroom, looking haggard. Tired and worried, he decided to turn in early this evening. As he begun to descend the staircase that led to the main hall of the school, he heard a voice purr out of the shadows.

"Severus…" He turned to see Lily leaning alluringly against the wall, her hair twisted around her index finger suggestively. Snape nearly dropped his telescope in his alarm.

"Oh… hello Lily." He cleared his throat. "Did…er…did you get my message?" He asked. She stepped in his direction, her skirt twitching from side to side as she moved. She nodded, grabbed his arm and pulled him round the circular tower to the observation deck. Mouth dry and heart beating fast, he let her drag him into the cool and blustery night.

Outside the stars were blazing above head and the trees ringing Hogwarts were alive and dancing in the wind. The silvery moon was reflected on the surface of the lake and the world below was still. Lily went and rested her elbows on the stone railing. Severus thought he'd better say something.

"So, er-"

"I've thought a lot about what you asked of me, Snape…" She interrupted. Her hair billowed in the gentle breeze. She turned to look at him, green eyes ablaze even in the twilight.

"You have?" He pressed on apprehensively.

"And first…. I have to apologize to you, honestly…" Cold fear gripped Snape's throat. _Oh no…oh please, no…_ "I didn't mean to give you the wrong idea, I really didn't." Lily's voice had a slight whine in it. Snape shook his head, looking for something to hang on to. "I thought you knew the reason I was trying to befriend you…" He looked up at her, his eyes scared.

"It was really… only pity." Snape felt as if the world around him was being torn to bits. He felt as if the very walls around him were imploding, crashing down upon the ground, crushing ever soul beneath them. Her words sounded distant and unreal. "I mean, I don't want to be rude, but honestly. Don't you think you were being a bit presumptuous? I'm Lily Evans! I can have any boy in the school, what makes you think I'd settle for… someone like you?" Her tone was scathing as if she were scolding him. Snape's throat began to burned and it took all the effort inside of him to keep from sinking to his knees in despair. "I'm sorry, but don't you realize how ugly you really are? Maybe you should think about that next time you put a respected lady in an embarrassing situation, hm?" She walked automatically towards the door. Snape's shaking legs gave out for under him.

_Oh God… no… please don't let this happen… please…_

Lily walked beside where Snape kneeled, tears streaming from his eyes. She put a dainty white finger on his chin and forced him to face her. He looked back up at her, looking utterly wounded and broken with his mouth hanging open and tears staining his chalk white face. She gave him a half-hearted grin as she let her emerald eyes pierce his dark ones. Without the slightest bit of self-control Snape reached out for her.

"Lily, please!" She howled. She drew back with out warning and slapped his face forcefully. She grabbed the front of his robes and looked into his face, seething.

"Don't you ever touch me." She snapped. Remorseless, she threw him to the ground nonchalantly, then continued on her way, stroking her hair into place. Snape lay on the cold stone, his face stinging and his heart aching. A great and terrible numbness seemed to devour him from the inside out.

_You knew this would happen… How could you have been so stupid?_

As he sat with his back against the jagged stone wall, he was sure that a large, gaping hole had been carved into his chest. The world was becoming a black pit of tortuous agony. A great pounding and grinding of metal and bone ripped at Snape's ears. He could hear himself weeping, but it seemed so far off and unreal…

Lily was following the steady line of Slytherins who were slowly making their way into the lower parts school from the astronomy tower. She flew up flights of stairs, a knot in her chest aching as she did. Every breath she took stung her throat and lungs, bur something in her knew she couldn't stop. As she climbed up and up towards the tower the number of students thinned out. She could her the sounds of her heavy footsteps echoing around the staircases and corridors she sped through. Every muscle in her body ached, but still she would not stop. As she threw open the door leading into the astronomy wing, she tripped suddenly. Rolling onto her back and she saw a collection mobiles and models of the planets an stars used for astronomy lectures. The whole ceiling of the hall was glittering and spinning as she sat up and struggled to get to her feet.

"Oh, miss Mudblood. Did you fall and hurt yourself?"

At once the door behind Lily closed and the room became eerily dim. The girl with her hands on the door had elegantly curly black hair which draped into her sunken eyes. Lily was immediately on guard, putting her hand into her pocket and grabbing her wand. She was ready for anything.

"I'm quite all right, actually…" She stood up, keeping her eyes on the girl with the dark hair. "I'll just be going now, thanks." Lily turned to go but another girl blocked the end of the passage. She resembled the black-haired witch but her hair was a sleek and shimmering white-blonde. She held her wand delicately in her pale hands. The model stars and planets hovered and glowed above them, offering a dull light unto the three that stood below. "Um, excuse me." Lily said to the blonde girl, trying to inch by her.

"Not so fast!" The blonde witch grabbed Lily's arm. "Where do you think you're going? You're not supposed to be wandering the school at this time…" The girl purred. Lily narrowed her eyes and faced her unblinking.

"What do you care? Who are you anyway and what's this got to do with you?" Lily shouted. The witch behind her made a clucking noise with her mouth.

"Sassy, sassy." She shook her head incredulously. The blonde witch tightened her grip on Lily's arm. "What we care about is of no importance to a Mudblood like you. You couldn't possibly understand it anyway. You best be off to bed, child. No need to worry… your darling Sevvy will be just fine." She finished darkly, flashing her wicked smile as she prowled closer to Lily.

"So this _has_ got something to do with him!" Lily bellowed struggling with the blonde girl. "Let me through, _NOW_!" Lily bellowed right in the blonde witch's face. When she raised her wand to retaliate Lily pulled hers out twice as fast.

"_Expelliarmus_!" Lily yelled, disarming the girl that held her and breaking free of her grasp. She made a mad dash for the door at the end of the hall, feeling quite scared.

"Bellatirx, she's getting away!" The blonde witch shrieked. A flash of light flew up past Lily's ear and crashed above her. A shower of miniatures orbs and sparkling stars crashed on Lily's head, stopping her momentarily. She turned to face her advancing opponents bravely.

"_Rictusempra_!" Lily commanded her wand. A jet of red light short out and hit the witch called Bellatrix in the chest. At once she fell to her knees, shrieking with laughter and grasping her sides.

"Narcissa…. Ha ha ha… Don't let her… he he he… ESCAPE!" She gasped, sounding madly hysterical. Narcissa aimed another blast at the ceiling causing another shower of flashing and tumbling objects to stop Lily's escape. The stars exploded with great flares of light in her face. She screamed as she felt a pair of arms grab her around the middle and pin her to the floor. Lily fought back, throwing stunning curses randomly into the air.

"_Locomotor_ jupiter!" She heard Narcissa call. Bright patches were blocking Lily's eyes and making it hard for her to see what was happening. She felt a grip release and saw a huge model of Jupiter careening towards her. She put her arm up for protection and felt the two fore collide. With a sickening snap and an explosion of glass and smoke, Lily was thrown back against the wall. Her arm felt as if it were on fire. She doubled over and gripped it, knowing it was surely broken. She saw Narcissa advancing through the smoke towards her. Lily felt her back on the door and was positive she could make it.

"T-_tarantallegra_!" Lily squeaked, watching as Narcissa's legs erupted into uncontrollable motion. She howled in rage as Lily escaped through the doors and sealed it behind her.

Lily stood panting with her back to the door. As her instincts were wearing off she wondered what she had gotten herself into. She wanted to know desperately what was going on, if she could stop it, and how much trouble they'd all be in after it was over. Her eyes followed the staircase to the top where a collection of doors led to the observation decks. She felt a sharp rush of adrenaline as careful footsteps began to resonate through the spacious room. They echoed off the marble floors rhythmically as a person came into sight at the top of the stairs. Nothing could have prepared Lily for who she saw staring down at her.

It was herself.

She choked as the person that was her descended the steps with a still face, staring back at her with her own green eyes.

"How in the world? Who… who are you?" Lily sputtered, wondering desperately if this was a dream. Her arm still pounded with unbearable pain. She couldn't ready herself for another fight so soon. Vaguely, Lily could hear somebody who sounded as if they were in terrible pain on one of the observation decks.

"Me?" The other Lily posed, raising her eyebrows. "I'm Lily Evans." She said with Lily's voice. She flashed her Lily's smile and giggled with Lily's laugh.

"I'm Lily!" The girl with her back to the door screamed. She felt as if her sanity was slipping away by the moment.

"_I'm Lily_!" The other red-head mocked derisively as she reached the bottom of the stairs. She suddenly smiled at her twin with a very unkind smile that was foreign to Lily Evans' face as she raised her wand and grazed it gently against the other girl's cheek. "Since it's just the two of us now… I thought I'd show you a new trick I learned the other day… are you ready…?"

An ear-splitting scream rang from the hall below Severus. At once he lowered his hands from his face and sat very still. The hot tears still fell from his chin, but a new feeling had surfaced in his chest. As the tortured shrieking continued, he recognized the voice. He stood up, heart racing. Despite his anguish and sorrow, he couldn't bear to hear Lily Evans screaming in agony. Throwing caution to the wind he flew through the door to see what was going on.

At the bottom of the stair well a shocking scene was taking place. Lily Evans held her wand in her hand and was cursing a writhing and screeching girl on the floor.

"Does it hurt…?" She cooed mockingly as her curse faded away. The other girl whimpered pathetically, clutching her arm to her chest. "Hm? I can't hear you. Well, it must not hurt enough then. _Crucio_!" At once the bloodcurdling screams echoed painfully through the hall again. Lily had a twisted smile on her face and looking fascinated and gleeful. Severus moved, horror-stricken and dazed to try and stop the monstrous deed but when he saw the face of the girl being tortured, he nearly fainted. It was Lily. Lily Evans.

How could there be two?

Confusion gave away to the look of absolute agony written on her face. Tears streamed from her eyes and the sound that came from her suggested she was being slowly hewn to bits. Severus could stand it for another minute. He grabbed the standing Lily and ripped the wand from her hand and broke it with clean precision over he knee. She looked at him, stunned. Severus knocked her aside, feeling no qualms. He didn't know what was happening, but it was apparent that no Lily he knew would ever hurt another person and smile.

Snape dropped to his knees and gently picked up the sobbing and whimpering girl from the floor, resting her head in the crook of his arm. The Lily behind him had her back against the wall and was breathing deeply.

"Are you all right?" Severus asked the girl in his arms with a kindness he'd never spoken with before. She opened her emerald eyes and looked up at him, totally vulnerable.

"S-severus?" She whispered, showing a shadow of a smile. At once there was a yelp behind them and both looked over at the Lily who was backed against the wall. Her appearance was beginning to change. Her hair was getting progressively darker and shorter and her face more and more pale. As she grew taller and her features changed, Snape suddenly came to a full realization of the satiation. He propped Lily gently up against the wall and stalked over to the girl against the wall, who now had sleek, shining black hair and a round, pale face.

"Cleo." Snape growled, every tone in his voice suggesting unbridled fury.

"S-snape!!" She cried, shrinking backwards. "This is not what it looks like…! You… you don't understand… I…"

"No, I understand…" He backed her into the wall and snarled into her face. "…_PERFECTLY WELL_…." He glared at her with animosity as he grabbed her shoulders with a vice-like grip. "You've been calculating this whole stunt for a while now, weren't you? You _stole_ my Polyjuice potion, poked your nose into other people's business, tricked me… tired to destroy all that was important to me, and ruthlessly tortured the girl I love. I understand _all_ to well…" Snape's voice was dangerous.

"It had to be done! You knew too much! I couldn't have you sneaking around with Mudblood filth!" Cleo protested. Snape's eyes filled with fury.

"Don't you dare speak about Lily like that…" His hands closed around her throat involuntarily. Cleo choked and struggled against him, kicking her legs and trying to draw breath desperately.

"SEVERUS, NO!!" Lily shrieked behind him. Snape looked back at Lily, then turned to Cleo and released his grip on her throat. She collapsed into a heap at Snape's feet, gasping and clutching her bruised throat. Severus shot her a disgusted look and turned his attentions to Lily. She was shaking as Snape turned to look at her.

"Lily… are you hurt?" He asked imperatively. She shook off the image of Severus strangling Cleo and responded. "My arm… I think it's broken…" She grimaced, testing it to see if it could move.

"Do you think you could make it to the hospital wing, if you can-" The sound of the door crashing open stopped Severus in mid-sentence. Bellatrix, now cured of her insane laughter, and Narcissa burst through the door, shooting Stunning Spells rapidly and running right past Lily. A red jet of light hit Snape in the chest and he doubled over, unable to move. Lily retaliated by quickly and effectively immobilizing Cleo and jumping to her feet.

"Hold it right there!" She approached Narcissa from behind and jabbed her wand into her throat.

"Back away, Mudblood, or I'll make you pay for it!" Bellatrix faced Lily, brandishing her own wand flamboyantly.

"_Petrificus Totalus_!" Lily shouted and Narcissa instantly became rigid and began to topple to the floor. On her way down she collided with Lily's broken arm, causing Lily to double over in pain.

Bellatrix shrieked triumphantly and sent Lily flying back into the wall with a blast of light from her wand. Lily smashed into the hard stone and lay still. Bellatrix stepped over to her looking superior.

"Poor little Mudblood…" She teased, kicking Lily to the floor with cruel pleasure. She started to laugh as Lily opened her eyes and terror crept over her face once she realized her situation. "In trouble, aren't we?" Bellatrix cackled. Suddenly, Lily expression changed.

"Seems that way." Lily said as-a-matter-of-factly. Bellatrix swooped around to see Snape standing behind her with his wand at the ready. He gave her a quick, humorless smile and stunned her where she stood. As she clamored to the floor, Snape hurried over to Lily and offered her a hand.

"Thanks." She said shortly, taking his hand. They began to make their way back through the ruins of the astronomy corridor with utmost speed.

"We've got to find a teacher." Lily said urgently, but as the two looked around they found not a soul was in sight.

"Let's go to Professor Dumbledore, his office is this way, I think. Come on." Without thinking Snape grabbed Lily's hand and pulled her down the corridor to the left. She trailed behind him slowly, her body shaking with weakness. As Severus urged her on she lost more and more strength. She began to stumble and trip and pant with exhaustion. He stopped and looked at her. "Are you going to make it?" He asked, studying her trembling form. She took a moment to catch her breath.

"Hey… I've been through a lot…" She heaved, clutching her side, her broken arm hanging lamely at her side. Severus stooped down slightly.

"Hurry and get on already." He said grudgingly. "We haven't got much time before the other Slytherins arrive." Lily looked puzzled for a moment, then walked cautiously forward and climbed shakily onto his back. He rose immediately and sped down the hallway with haste. She held close with her strong arm and rested her tired head on his shoulder as he supported her legs. They weaved through the corridors and staircases with silence and purpose for nearly five minutes, searching for the gargoyle statue that would lead them to the safety of Professor Dumbledore's office.

"I think we're nearly there." Snape breathed, looking down a rather familiar looking corridor. "Its just beyond this-"

A stone statue beside the two suddenly exploded into a heap of rubble. Snape jerked backwards to see Malfoy, Avery and Nott accompanying the Slytherin girls that had attacked them before. They all looked livid and full of dark purpose. Snape set off at a run, Lily weighting him down some. He ran with all his might, feeling spells zoom past his ears. When it became apparent that he was barreling down and dead-ended hall with a great glass window at the end his pace slowed and his heart sank horribly. When he reached the end of the hall he let Lily down beside him. She stared into his dark eyes, petrified. He bit his lip and put a protective arm around her, still facing the oncoming death eaters and backing slowly against the large panes of glass.

"At the end of the road now, Snape!" He heard Avery's shrill tone echo down the hall. Their thundering footsteps were growing closer by the moment. He'd given up hopes of Filch coming along by now. Snape knew that this was it… unless….

The group of six Slytherins slid to a stop a few a yards away from the cowering couple, all breathing with frenzied might. Snape jumped forward and did a quick about face, shattering the crystal-clear glass with one mighty curse from his wand. He shot an imperative look at Lily, then took a great lunge out of the window. The wind blew in cold from the blustery night. Lily screamed as she watched Snape leap out and ran to the jagged edge, staring out after him. The grounds were completely black and she couldn't see a thing. She turned, spinning with terror, to the advancing group. She leaned away, shaking as they drew ever closer. She couldn't stop her trembling. Suddenly through the whispering winds came a voice that could've come from Lily's own head.

_Lily JUMP!_

She froze, hesitating what was to be done. One last look at Bellatrix readying her wand was enough to motivate her to stand on the window sill. As she as she looked down she wished she hadn't stood up at all, but a great breath of wind caused her to loose her footing and she tumbled out of the window and into the air. She found that she couldn't even scream as lighted windows whizzed by her with a dizzying speed as she fell, face up, towards the grounds below. Heart hammering, she nearly fainted with fright until she felt the biting air that whistled past her calm down to normal pace. She floated down slowly and landed softly into the outstretched arms of Severus Snape. She could hardly believe what happened and could only stare at him, jaw-dropped. He laughed a bit sheepishly.

"Impediment charm. Stops falling objects." He explained simply. She nearly broke into laughter as he laid her gently on her feet, smiling nervously.

"Severus, you're simply amazing." She smiled, still shaking madly from careening hundreds of feet towards earth. He blushed slightly and coughed.

"Erm, thanks…" He scratched his head slightly. "But, we've got no time. We've got to hide somewhere. Those thugs will be down here in no time so there's no chance of us escaping back into the castle without meeting them somewhere on the way. If we can bide our time until morning then they won't be able to do a thing in front of the other students." Lily nodded in accordance and the two streaked off across the grounds and into the night.

"Wait!" Lily shouted, stopping suddenly. "We can go to Hagrid!" She pointed to the gamekeeper's hut. The windows were dark, but it was rather late after all. They ran towards it and hammered on the door, praying that Hagrid would open it soon. After nearly five minutes of knocking, still no answer came.

"He must be doing some business in the forest… Come on, let's get out of plain sight." Snape shooed Lily into the trees that bordered the Dark Forest. As they were making their way into the thick of the woods, footsteps and hushed voices crept through the stillness of the night. Snape turned to see the doors that led to the castle ground being opened. With silent worry, he pushed Lily farther into the trees and they both disappeared from view.

"Hurry, they're coming!" He hissed at her. They both plunged deeper into the forest the trees closing in on either side and the brush growing thick underneath. Above their heads a full moon peaked in and out of the openings in the trees. After they crashed through the trees for about thirty minutes, the forest enclosed them and they were sent into darkness. Lily slowed down and collapsed into a heap by a tree, breathing heavily. She looked pale and weak and was shaking slightly.

"Tired?" Snape asked her as he sat beside her. She nodded, still breathless. They both stared at each other for a moment and the full effect of the evening's events crashed down on them. They were running from a group of malcontent Slytherins who most likely wanted them both dead. Lily was severely injured and losing strength and for some strange reason, no one was around to help them. They had cheated death more than once and would most likely have to do it again. Snape looked at the ground, feeling very odd indeed. "Look, maybe you should sleep. You don't look so well. I'll watch for them."

"Thanks…" Lily breathed. Snape removed his cloak and handed it to Lily. She took it gratefully and curled up on the ground, her broken arm resting lightly on her stomach. Snape sat with his back against the tree as the forest whispered around them. The leaves and grasses whipped back and forth in the gusts of wind and strange sounds and animal calls echoed through the night. Keeping his wand at the ready, Severus was sure not to let his weariness get the better of him. A few hours on, the wind had kicked up to an unbearable velocity and the air was heavy with mist. Shivering, Severus struggled to keep awake. He turned his gaze to Lily. She was sleeping soundly, her face untroubled and relaxed. Snape's face broke into a small smile, but he realized something slightly disquieting. He'd almost lost her today… more than once, in fact, and he still hadn't told her exactly how he felt and what she had done for him. There was no guaranteeing that they were both going to make it out of this… He stared at her sleeping form, longing to tell her all the things that had been going through his mind for the last few years. He almost did as well, but he felt it an awful shame to wake her up. She must be in such pain… he couldn't bring himself to disturb her moment of peace.

_It very well could be the last she ever has…_

The thought was sickeningly grim. Severus reached across gently and stroked Lily's hair. It was smooth and silky even after the rough night. Suddenly an idea overcame him. Reaching into his pocket he pulled out a quill and piece of parchment he'd begun taking astronomy notes on. He smiled a bit, thinking how far off that class seemed, how trivial his nerves had been. He spread out the paper and thought for a moment, then began to write hurriedly. He was afraid the sharp end of the quill might poke through, but it seemed to turn out fine. After about fifteen minutes, the letter was complete. He tucked it safely into her pocket, hoping that wherever she was after this was all over she would find it. He glanced at her at smiled.

_Where would I be without you, Lily?_

Suddenly a great amount of noise came flowing in from near them in the woods. Severus could see the faint glow of wand light in the distance. He immediately shrunk down in the grass and clovers and shook Lily awake. He put a finger to his lips to alert her of the approaching danger, then lifted his own wand. At once it went oddly quiet and Lily and Severus both breathed into the darkness, looking around for a sign of movement or light.

"Are they gone?" Lily breathed, shivering and looking about.

"I… I don't know…"

There were a few moments where nothing but the pounding of their hearts could be heard. Then a drawling voice broke the terrified silence.

"Well, well, well…" Severus felt an arm clamp around his neck before he could do anything else. "_Petrificus totalus_!" Several voices shouted. Lily and Severus were completely frozen. The cackling laughs of the Slytherins rang out in the deathly still forest.

"Oh no We've gotten ourselves in big trouble this time, haven't we?" Bellatrix stepped forward, putting a foot on Lily's chest. "Poor little things." Snape felt utterly defeated. This couldn't be it, there had to be some way out. Cleo stepped forward and looking at the two.

"What should we do, Lucius?" She asked. She seemed disturbingly exhilarated. Lucius crept over, looking down his nose at Snape, who was snarling silently at him.

"Let's make quick work of this. We can transfigure the bodies into stones and leave them here. Tomorrow we'll tell everyone that they ran away together while everyone was asleep."

Snape's heart was racing. He was about to die… about to be murdered…

"Can I kill the girl?" Cleo asked with breathless anticipation, her wand ready. Lucius nodded without the slightest sign of being bothered. He withdrew his own wand slowly, the dark wood shining in the moonlight. Lily struggled the effects of the curse beginning to wear off.

"Please, no!! Why are you doing this?" She screamed, tears streaking down her face.

"_Incarcerous_!" Lucius hissed, cruel bond shooting from his wand and wrapping themselves around Lily's neck and arms. She sobbed through the ropes that cut into her face.

"Lily! NO!" Snape roared, trying with all his might to fight off the curse.

"Why are we doing this?" Narcissa repeatedly softly, gliding forward slightly. "Because _Snape_ knows much too much about the Dark Lord and he knows who his loyal servants are. We know it'll only be a matter of time before he'll tell you and we know a nice little Mudblood wouldn't let that secret lay quiet. So you can thank Snape for this." Her pale lips curled into a smile.

"P-please…" Lily shuddered, weeping for her life. Cleo grabbed her wand and stuck it into the soft part of Lily's neck with fierce enjoyment.

"STOP!!" Snape bellowed. Avery still held him fast, but he did his best to fight against him. "She's innocent! She doesn't need to die!" He seemed to have gotten their attention. He looked at them frantically. "Kill me if you must, but let Lily live. You can… erase this memory from her mind… She won't know what happened…" Lucius considered this. "Please…" Snape implored him, his eyes piercing Lucius'. "Please don't kill her…" Lucius breathed through his nose.

"Narcissa." He said and Narcissa floated to his side. "Take the Mudblood to the lake's shore and destroy her memory completely. Leave her there and maybe someone will find her in the morning." She nodded and grabbed Lily by the hair and tugged her to her feet. Tears were still pouring from her eyes.

Lily and Snape's eyes met for one moment that seemed eternity. Those beautiful, emerald eyes. They stared at each other as Narcissa dragged Lily off into the darkness of the forest, unspoken truth communicated from their gaze.

_I love you._

Snape couldn't stop the tears that leaked from his dark eyes. _Goodbye Lily._

Lily could still see the ring of Slytherins around Snape. She was whirling in a torrent of sickness and utmost despair. She could still make out Avery throwing Snape to the ground then standing up quickly. The group was becoming shrouded in darkness. Lucius lifted his wand.

"Come on, you!" Narcissa spat, wheeling Lily around so she faced away from the group. She felt as if she would be violently ill. She knew was what about to happen. And then it came faster than she could handle. Even from so far away Lily could hear Lucius' cold tones split the cold, windy night.

"_Avada Kedevra_!"

She heard a howl of pain and a burst of triumphant laughter. Inside her, something was screaming. Her head spun with terrible force. _They've done… they killed him…_ She felt all life leaving her limbs and stumbled along with Narcissa jerking her forward. There was a great amount of noise resounding from the clearing. _Were they laughing? _A terrible numbness grasping her body. The noise behind her was becoming muted. Her and Narcissa stumbled through the dark woods for what seemed like an eternity in the tunnels of the underworld. Lily's heart felt as if it were being torn into pieces over and over again. When she emerged from the trees, she didn't even feel a hint of fear. In what seemed like a dream, she was wrenched towards the shore of the lake. The waves looked like cold steel. As Lily was thrown unceremoniously to the rocks and pebbles below, nothing stirred in her but terrible pain. She wanted the curse. She wanted it to come and erase all the pain from her heart. A thought came into her mind as Narcissa slid her wand out from her robe pocket, looking pale and grim.

She remembered seeing a poor skinny boy being tormented by James Potter. She remembered the way he scrambled off nervously when she tried to help him. Suddenly memories flooded into her head as she saw Narcissa whip her wand back and take a breath. She remembered standing in the shrieking shack beside him, knitting the scarf for him in the evenings before the Christmas holiday… She could still feel him holding her in the empty classroom…

It was all about to be stolen… stolen and smashed into a thousand pieces. She looked at Narcissa wildly as she opened her mouth to speak.

"_Obliviate_!" She commanded, her gray eyes mad with power. Lily barrel rolled out of the way just in time and tried to crawl away desperately. "Come back, idiot girl. Snape died so that you could live, is this how you treat his sacrifice?"

"I'll get the lot of you locked up in Azkaban!" Lily shrieked, trying with all her might to fight the ropes that bound her. Narcissa advanced with a smile that had a hint of pity. "That's how I'll treat his sacrifice!" Narcissa gave a soft chuckle and put her foot on Lily's chest, pinning her on the ground.

"It'll be fine, Mudblood. In a moment you won't even remember who Snape was…" She lifted her wand again. _This was it._

Snape felt himself being thrown to the floor. The shapes of Lily and Narcissa were disappearing into the darkness. He could just see her struggling to come back to him. Lucius Malfoy stepped forward.

"Oh Snape… If only your loyalties lay in the right place… you could've been a great asset to use… oh well… Goodbye…" He lifted him wand and his eyes flashed with untamed fierceness. A sudden movement in the shadows made Snape turn his head.

"_Avada Kedevra_!" His cold voice rang out just as a large dark shape lunged at him from the brush. The creature collided with his chest just in time to knock the jet of green light off course. It exploded with a sinister hiss next to Snape's ear as he watched the beast tearing at Lucius' who was yelling with surprise and pain. Avery, Bellatrix, Nott and Cleo stood stunned. At once the muscular form of a huge gray stag exploded through the brush and plowed into Avery and Nott, knocking them to the ground. Confused, but ready, Snape leapt to his feet and pulled out his wand.

"_Stupefy_! _Stupefy_!" He stunned Cleo and Bellatrix as they were watching the wild animals attack their comrades. The shaggy black animal snarled and bit Lucius Malfoy over and over. Snape bound Cleo and Bellatrix and took their wands, leaving them against a tree. The stag was trampling Avery and Nott as they tried to crawl away. These animals were absolutely mad. Snape darted out of the clearing and ran for it before they could turn and start savaging him. He heard voices and spells being cast behind him, but he didn't dare stop. Lily was in serious danger, there was no time to loose. As soon as he thought he had made it, a thundering gallop resounded behind him. He turned to see the huge stag barreling straight towards him, it's eyes blazing. Near its heels was the shaggy black creature, it's lolling tongue hanging out of it's jaws. It was an enormous black dog.

_The Grim!?_

Snape cried out, the all too familiar sense of impending doom closing in on him. He felt the strong antlers of the stag flip him up into the air and he crashed down painfully onto the creature's back. Holding on for dear life, Snape could feel the powerful muscles of the beast working underneath him.

The dog and stag erupted through the trees and tore down to the side of the lake where they could see Narcissa above Lily's crumpled form, her wand drawn. The stag jerked Snape violently off its back and he tumbled to the ground, aching all over. When Snape sat up he looked around for the charging team but found them nowhere. Instead he saw two tall boys running towards Narcissa, who had turned on them and began firing curses. They blocked skillfully and Snape jumped to his feet and raced towards Lily who was laying unconscious on the ground. When he slid down beside her, he felt a great sense of dread.

Snape severed the ropes that were cutting into her skin. A ways off the two boys dueled with Narcissa, who was putting up quite a fight. Snape scooped Lily off of the ground but soon he was preoccupied with a new realization. Potter and Black. It was Potter and Black who were battling Narcissa. In disbelief, Snape picked Lily up and took her to safety a few feet away by a large beech tree. He then rushed over to the fray and shot a well aimed stunning spell at Narcissa, who blasted off her feet and fell to the ground in a vanquished heap. Snape, James and Sirius stared at each other, all of them gasping for breath.

"_STUPEFY_!!" Screamed a maddened voice from the forest's edge. James fell beside Naricissa. Lucius Malfoy, covered in blood and ravaged looking, emerged from the trees and shot another stunning spell at Sirius who also collapsed. Snape raised his wand.

"_Expelliarmus_!"

"_Protego_!" Lucius deflected the curse, his voice mad with rage. His white hair was tangled and stained with his own blood. The moon came out from behind the cloud, bathing the two in icy moonlight.

"_EXPELLIARMUS_!"

"_AVADA KEDEVRA_!"

There was an explosion of light and the two rolled out of the way. At once a piercing howl came from the trees behind them. Snape immediately turned and ran without stopping to think. Lucius laugh as high and cruel.

"You think you can escape from me!? _AVADA KED_-" Snape could hear a vicious ripping and snarling sound behind him as Lucius Malfoy screamed in pain. Snape didn't stop running until he was beside Lily, who was still laying unconscious underneath the tree. Snape could see the body of the werewolf Remus Lupin slashing at Lucius cowering form. Suddenly, the large dog and stag trampled into sight and pushed the werewolf violently aside. They both worked at pushing the beast back into the trees with their teeth and antlers until all was quiet.

"Oh my goodness!" Came a shriek from across the grounds. Professor McGonagall, dressed in her night gown. Peter Pettigrew ran along beside her as they came to aid the students who lay crumpled and bleeding. It was over… they were safe…..

"Will she be all right, professor?" James Potter asked Professor Dumbledore. James, Sirius, a very tired looking Remus, Peter, Severus and Dumbledore were all grouped around a bed in the hospital wing. Lily Evans lay in the bed, dark bruises on her neck where the ropes had strangled her. She looked pale and terribly weak as she slept. Madam Pomfrey was able to med her arm in a moment, but until she awoke they couldn't tell whether she'd been cursed by Narcissa's memory charm.

The group of Slytherins were being held in the top tower of Hogwarts awaiting they escorts to Azkaban. Professors Flitwick, Dumbledore and Slughorn had arrived shortly after McGonagall and helped clean up the mess and collect the unconscious and bound Slytherins. Up in the hospital wing Severus had explain the entire situation and Lily's ailment to Dumbledore. He had tried his best and succeeded in not bursting into hopeless tears. Soon after the Slytherins were patched up, questioned with the help of some Veritaserum and imprisoned in the dark tower. Near dawn the four Gryffindor troublemakers came to the castle, looking exhausted but crazy with worry. They'd been waiting and watching if Lily would make some sign of life.

"I don't know, James." Dumbledore said softly, "We'll have to wait until… oh…" Lily stirred in her bed and opened her eyes. She looked at everyone with a glassy expression.

"Lily?" Severus asked, his voice shaking. She looked over at him after a moment but remained silent. She looked slightly surprised. James let out a pathetic wail and great sniff.

"Oh Lily…" He moaned, putting his hands over his face. Sirius and Remus looked at Dumbledore. His expression was grim and he shook his head ominously. Remus stood up and went to the corner of the room, breathing heavily. Lily stared around at everyone. She had a very black and confused look on her face. Sirius sat horribly and stared at the tile covered ground as Peter blubbered miserably beside him. Severus felt stunned and his eyes began to burn. They had destroyed the Lily he knew… the Lily he loved… she was lost forever… torn to pieces… scattered to the wind…

He grasped her hand forcefully, staring with genuine sorrow into her lost-looking countenance.

"Lily…" He said with anguish. "Oh, Lily…" The tears he'd been holding back all night long poured out, floodgates of misery opening in his heart. Her brow furrowed as she looked at everyone around her.

"Lily! I'll stay with you until the end!" James howled, "I'll help you remember everything!"

"We'll take care of you Lily, honest…" Pettigrew practically screamed.

"I still love you, Lily. No matter what happens, I'll always love you!" Severus told her forcibly, taking her shoulders. He didn't care who heard it anymore, the life of worrying about who knew he loved Lily Evans seemed like eons ago. Lily blushed a bit and looked at her bed sheets.

"I love you too, Severus." She said shyly, her cheeks red. Everyone fell very silent and she looked around. "What's the matter with everyone? Why're you all crying? Is somebody hurt?" She looked out of the window at the bright morning light. "Did you catch the Slytherins?"

It was an absolutely beautiful morning. The lake reflected the merry light of the sun and it was already starting to warm up. A light breeze played in the leaves of the trees that surrounded the lake. The sounds and smells of spring were in the air. The powder blue sky and puffy white clouds above were enough to put ideas of adventure and inspiration into the hearts of anyone.

Lily and Severus walked through the deserted halls. It was too early for anyone else to be walking to ground, which is the exact reason they'd agreed to meet at this time. For the last week everyone had been talking about them and their daring escape from Lucius and his gang of Slytherin. It had been an exciting week leading up to the first day of O.W.L.S, which happened to be starting later that day. They had decided they didn't want anymore talk starting about them… or any interruptions.

"I still can't get over the fact James and the others are Animagi!" Lily piped as she strolled down the hall, her skirt swaying above her knee. "They could get in a lot of trouble if the ministry found out, you know…" Severus gave her a crooked smile.

"Good thing Dumbledore likes them, eh?" He said a bit sardonically. Lily giggled.

"I'm proud of you guys! Putting aside your differences, like that. Very admirable. I think one day you could be good friends if you keep this up." She smiled. Snape scoffed.

"Agreeing not to battle each other and being friends are two very different things, you know." He said a bit harshly. Noticing the look on her face he stopped. "…erm… but you never know what will happen…" He said grudgingly. Lily broke into another smile and was silent for a long time with her back to the wall.

"You know… I read that letter." She admitted, looking him right in the eye. He felt his face grow hot. He'd completely forgotten about its existence and now it was coming back to mock him.

"Oh… did you? Well, that's good…" She wouldn't break his gaze.

"Did you mean it?" She asked confidently. Snape looked at her with a meaningful stare.

"Every word…" He breathed. The silence was suddenly palpable. The twittering birds and gentle breeze spoke softly from the open windows. Snape bit his bottom lip nervously. Lily stepped over to him, her green eyes shining with affection and longing.

"Have you really loved me… for all that time?" She said softly. He nodded, trying not to looked surly. She beamed at him, looking absolutely beautiful in the soft morning light.

"Ever since I first laid eyes on you." He spoke, his words not sounding like his own. "I'll always…. I'll always be here for you… If you're lost… or scared…or maybe just lonely. You could choose anybody else and I'd still be content just knowing you, you know that right? No matter what you do, I'll always… be there to catch you…" He looked at his feet, thinking of their daring plunge through the window on that terrifying night. She looked up into his face, patches of pink on her cheeks.

"You know who I've chosen." She said sweetly, grasping his hands softly.

"James Potter?" Severus wondered aloud, his expression darkening slightly. She giggled again.

"No, not James Potter." She leaned in slowly and pressed her lips to his, the sweet sounds of the birds in the courtyard echoing through the marble halls. It was indeed a very beautiful morning.

_Lying in my bed  
I hear the clock tick  
And think of you  
Caught up in circles  
Confusion is nothing new_

You say  
Go slow  
I fall behind  
The second hand  
Unwinds

If you're lost  
You can look  
And you will find me  
Time after time  
If you fall  
I will catch you  
I'll be waiting   
Time after time  


**The End**


	9. To be continued?

Note: Well, at the end of the "happy ending" of this story I had somewhat of an idea to continue it, but it wont come until much later, as I'm going to Japan for a long while. Here's the teaser for the fic I want to continue this story with and the disclaimer/song list I promised. Please comment, I'd like to know if you want to read the continuation:D Thanks to everyone who read this, you rock!

He could see his own eyes reflected in the window pane. Outside the world was dismal and dark, dripping wet with the wretched and limitless rain. They were indeed the same eyes.

He picked up the letter at his feet and unfolded to paper from the envelope.

_Dear Lily,_

_You were a moment of quiet in my life of torment. Without you, I could have never become the person I am today. You've done more for me and given me more thought that any other person in my entire life and for that I have to thank you. Whatever happens tonight I want you to know I've loved you since the first time I laid eyes on you, and I will always love you. You've given me the greatest joy in my life. Thank you._

_Severus Snape_

So many years ago… He ached inside. _Lily… I'd do anything to have you back…_ _You still… have my heart… you still have… everything I ever was…_

He opened his eyes, a terrible determination now staining his inky eyes.

_Iris. I'm coming._ Snape tucked letter safely into his pocket and set off into the cold, dark rain…

Song list:

(I suggest you listen to all these songs, they are all fantastic!)

Ch 1: Fallen Embers, Enya

Ch 2: I'm not that Girl, Wicked

Ch 3: Under the Gun, The Killers

Ch 4: Neighborhood # 1 (Tunnels), The Arcade Fire

Ch 5: Hide and Seek, Imogen Heap

Ch 6: Read my Mind, The Killers

Ch 7 (End 1): My Immortal, Evanescence

Ch 7 (End 2): Time after Time, Quietdrive

Disclaimer: I do not own or claim to own or want to make money off or anything doing with legal crap to do with Harry Potter and it's characters. That's all JK Rowling. She's the true genius.


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